1/15/2012 – 1/20/2012

Sunday

Today was one of those days that proves the adage ‘no good deed goes unpunished’.  I found Mom this morning sitting on the toilet, sound asleep.  She was dressed, but in the clothes I’d put her in yesterday morning.  Her bed was turned down, but hadn’t been slept in.  (I learned later she’d been up all night, refusing to go to bed.  But she did go down for breakfast and at a big meal this morning.)  I woke her up, and she seemed pretty cheerful, saying she was almost done and would be out in a minute.  I made her bed and went into the living room and waited…..and waited, and waited.  About 15 minutes later, I could hear her having a heated argument with someone.  I called in to see if she needed something, but she never answered me.  I heard her eventually transfer back to the wheelchair.  And then it went silent again.  I waited another 10 minutes or so, and then got curious enough to go check.  I found her in her wheelchair, sleeping with her head IN THE TOILET.  I woke her up and asked wouldn’t she rather come out and talk to be than sleep in the toilet, and she replied ‘Oh, what’s the difference!”  I was a little taken aback, but the more I talked to her, the more I seemed to annoy her.  But I eventually convinced her to join me in the living room, but she had no intention of carrying on a conversation with me.  She told me she just wanted to rest her eyes a while.  She never did look at me, but told me I sure didn’t take much time to put myself together this morning.  Then she told me I was too heavy, but I was her daughter so she loved me anyway.  Gee, I sure felt good!  I quit ‘bothering’ her, and let her nap most of the morning.  The staff was in and out, and confirmed what had and hadn’t been happening.  I told them I’d have her down for lunch, and about 11:50 I stood up to put my coat on.  I tried to be quiet, but apparently disturbed her sleep, because all of a sudden she thumped me in the middle of my back, screaming ‘Don’t you think I know how to do that by now?’  Since I had no idea what she was talking about, I tried to nicely discern what she was talking about.  But the only explanation she gave was ‘I know how to work the gears on my chair!’.  Since there’s no gears to ‘work’, I chose to just let it drop.  I tried to get her ready for lunch, and she seemed okay when I took her to the dining room, but don’t know if she would stay awake long enough to eat or not.  Hopefully she’ll be in a better mood this afternoon.

Monday

Today was better than the last few days (of course, that wouldn’t take much!)  Mom was getting up when I arrived, meaning she’d actually been in bed last night.  While she got dressed, I made her bed and picked things up.  Eventually she joined me in the living room.  Having her be semi-lucid always makes her go one place, though —- she wants to ‘go home’.  Of course she can take care of herself.  This is a terrible waste of money!  She just doesn’t remember the bad days, so I don’t argue with her about it, but try to redirect the conversation.  Lynn called, and Mom had a pleasant conversation with her.  It’s nice to see Mom smile and really connect, even if it is short-lived.  We talked for a while, and eventually Mom started dozing off again.  I let her nap until lunchtime, and Mom seemed fine when I took her to the dining room at noon.  I really hope she has a pleasant afternoon.

Tuesday

Today was a pretty good day.  Mom was up and showered and already gone to breakfast when I arrived.  I changed all the linens in her room while she fussed over her violets.  Then was sat and chatted about the past, Mom’s favorite subjects when she’s the most lucid.  She seems to enjoy revisiting all her childhood memories. She eventually ran out of steam and took a short nap in her wheelchair until Judy called a little before noon.  She had a pleasant conversation with Judy before she had to go to lunch.  She seemed content and happy when I left her in the dining room.

Wednesday

I’m pleased to report another decent day.  Mom was sleeping when I arrived, but woke shortly thereafter.  She was actually in a good mood, and laid in bed joking with me for close to 30 minutes.  Eventually I got her sitting up, and then into her chair.  While she went in to get dressed, I made her bed and picked up her room.  I checked her closet to be sure all her stuff came back in the laundry, and at a casual glance it looked like everything was there.  It actually took Mom over an hour to get ready for the day, and that was actual time—-she was not napping or drifting off in thought.  I guess my point is even on a good day Mom’s not moving very quickly anymore. When she was done, she joined me in the living room and we had a nice conversation.  The only odd thing she mentioned was twice she mentioned doing something before Janet came up, or having Janet check something out.  When I pointed out that I WAS Janet, she told me she knew, but sometimes her mouth ran faster than her brain did.  I think that might have been a good assessment, since she did seem to realize who I was.  We had a decent morning.  She was happy and talkative when I left her at noon.

Thursday

Well, three good days in a row was too much to hope for.  Mom was sleeping when I arrived.  I finally got her awake about 10, and she seemed upbeat, laying in bed talking to me.  but when I suggested getting up, we went through at least a dozen ‘give me a few more minutes’.  When I tried to get more insistent and physically help her get up, she started getting agitated, saying it hurt, and then telling me it just didn’t feel quite right.  What it finally came down to is she’d rather stay in bed than get up.  So I covered her back up and told her I’d see her tomorrow.  I stopped by to talk to the head nurse, who told me she’d go down herself and try to get Mom up for lunch.  She often has more luck than me—-Mom tends to be nicer to people she doesn’t know than she is to me.  I hope they’re able to get her up and going so the rest of her day is good.

Friday

Much like yesterday, Mom was sound asleep when I arrived.  I tried to rouse her several times, but she was just too groggy.  I sat and read most of the morning.  Mom would call out to me every 15 minutes or so, asking me what time it was, or if it was cold, or what day it was.  She continued to refuse to get up.  I know she got up yesterday, because the clothes I’d laid out for her were in the clothes hamper, and she was wearing a clean nightgown.  I heard second-hand that she’d also gotten physical with the staff yesterday, and had hit the head nurse.  I can only apologize so much.  I quit trying to push her to get up, and told her I’d see her tomorrow.

Saturday

Today started out pretty rough.  I found Mom crying in her bathroom this morning, dressed in a top, but no pants.  I asked her what was wrong, and she told me she’d tell me in a minute.  So I went into the living room to wait.  I could hear her cussing someone out, ranting and raving about them never trying that again.  When she finally joined me in the living room she was still pantsless, and still mad as hell.  She told me three staffers pulled her out of bed this morning, and she thought they were going to drop her on the floor.  I hadn’t seen anyone in her room, nor had anyone stopped me on my way in to tell me they’d had a problem with her today.  I wasn’t responding, because I didn’t know what had really happened.  Mom took that as a negative response and started yelling at me ‘I know you don’t believe me!”  ”They thought it was funny, they were just having fun hurting me!’, etc.  I tried repeatedly to change the subject, but she really had to get this out.  I have no idea if this was somewhat based in reality or 100% fabrication.  I doubted that they would have struggled to get her up and then left her half-naked.  Then she started ranting that they didn’t know who her father was, or they’d never treat her like that!  I tried to explain that her father had been dead more than 60 years, and none of the staff was even born before he passed away.  She said she knew that, but for some reason still talked about him visiting her with the head nurse, and they’d be in trouble when he got back. I eventually got her to finish getting dressed, and then we just talked.  She finally started to let it go, and even started telling me how much she liked it here, and thought it was really a nice place to be.  Whew!!!  A little after 11, Dianne called and Mom enjoyed a conversation with her.  It always amazes me how cheerful she can sound when she’s making an effort to do so.  Mom actually was less stressed after the phone call, and at least stopped yelling at me.  She seemed happy enough when I left her at noon.

1/8/2012 – 1/14/2012

Sunday

Mom was sleeping soundly when I arrived. I picked up her apartment, and made sure all her dirty clothes were in the laundry basket. I laid out clean clothes, and sat and read awhile. I kept checking on Mom, and she continued to breath deeply and contentedly. I read for a while, and watched part of a bad movie, and finally left her still sleeping. Knowing how tired she was yesterday, I wanted to let her get as much sleep as possible. Staff told me they’d check on her periodically and make sure she got up to eat. I just hope she’s okay.

Monday

I was as angry today as I’ve been for some time. when I got to Mom’s room today, she was still sleeping in bed. But as soon as I walked in the door, I could smell the unmistakable odor of urine. I tried to wake her up, and she eventually came around and seemed cheerful. I tried to get her to get up, but she just wanted to lay there a little longer, and ‘talk’ to me. I tried to be patient, but wasn’t doing too well — my eyes were burning! I pulled back the covers to try to persuade her further, and the stench was overpowering. I did a quick check in her bathroom and found the clothes I’d laid out for her yesterday still on the sink—including her depends! I checked the clothes basket, and there were no dirty clothes from yesterday, so I had to surmise she’d never been out of bed yesterday. I was about to go in search of staff when they came in the door to help her get up. When I explained to them what yesterday’s situation was, they seemed as upset as I was. (Sunday’s are notoriously low-staffed, and normally with the less regular workers. I always worry about the weekend attendants. I believe staff had stopped by, but never to do anything but be sure she was still breathing and didn’t want to get up.) They immediately got her out of the bed and into the shower. One of them helped me strip the wet linens off the bed and sanitize the mattress cover. I then put on fresh linens while they got Mom cleaned up. They also whisked away her dirty clothes basket, and freshened the room. They did everything they possibly could to correct yesterday’s neglect, and apologized a number of times even though neither of them were on duty yesterday. I also know they reported it immediately to the head nurse, who was also upset. I appreciate their concern, but it didn’t make me any less upset about what Mom must have been through yesterday. I will be watching much more closely the rest of the week. Mom wasn’t even aware there was anything wrong, and in fact seemed shocked that her skin under what must have been the sodden depends was red and irritated. When I asked her if she’d had anything to eat yesterday, she insisted she’d been down for all her meals, but I highly doubt that. I also noted how weak she seemed to be, and that made sense to me. I know if I don’t eat for a day, my legs are a little shaky, too. Thank goodness I was there this morning, although in truth I trust the regular staff, and believe they would have taken care of her the same whether I was there or not. Overall, Mom seemed to be in good spirits, and at least seemed to be well rested from yesterday. Lynn called and talked with Mom for a few minutes, but Mom wasn’t tracking the conversation well and soon handed the phone to me when she was done. She didn’t seem to be too concerned about anything, nor interested in conversing with me or anyone else. She seemed fine when I took her down for lunch, and hopefully will get some good nutrition in her for the afternoon.

Tuesday

As angry as I was yesterday, today I was embarrassed. I met several of the staff members before I got to Mom’s room, and they immediately asked me if Taron (the head nurse) had talked to me yet. Apparently, she had called in all the staff that had been working on Sunday and read them the riot act. I told them I hadn’t talked to her, so they filled me in on what went on Sunday as well as what Taron had told them. They told me Mom had refused to cooperate all day, and they didn’t know at what point to start pushing it. But clearly no one was comfortable with her being left in wet clothing, regardless of her attitude. But because they’d been taken to task, they were more diligent than ever about getting Mom up—-and she did NOT want to do so! She was still in bed when I arrived, sleeping soundly. Before I was there five minutes, first Taron came in to talk to me about Sunday, and assured me it wouldn’t happen again. She agreed with me that the most concern was to keep her dry and clean. I believe Sunday was an anomaly, and will just keep vigilant to be sure she’s getting proper care. Taron wasn’t gone more than a few minutes before the staff came in to get Mom up and dressed, and she was not about to cooperate. Mom started by whining, and then escalated to yelling at them, swearing and calling them names, I swear you could have heard her five rooms away! But once they discovered she and the bed were wet, there really was no other choice. She insisted she wouldn’t do what they wanted, and they couldn’t make her! Then she started hitting and kicking them. I was mortified. Two of them left, while one stayed behind to try to calm her down. She was doing a pretty good job, and had Mom convinced to help her when Taron came back to help as well. Between them, they managed to get Mom up and out of the bed. While they helped her get dressed, I changed the sheets again, and then went into the living room to wait. The staff finished up, and left, and Mom was in the bathroom…..quiet. I was afraid to disturb the bear, so I just waited. When she was still in there 30 minutes later, I finally went in to see what was going on. She told me she’d just finished getting dressed and was coming out to see me. Okay. She was pleasant and never mentioned the war she’d been through. I doubt she remembers it. I just don’t know what the answer is. She chatted with me the rest of the morning, and seemed both mentally clear and in touch, although she kept asking me if my kids were coming home for Christmas. The fact that she knew it was January didn’t seem to dissuade her from her line of reasoning. She did seem very tired, and even told me she felt like her energy level was just really low. It seemed to be a perpetual condition anymore. She was calm and contented when I took her to lunch.

Wednesday

Compared to the first half of the week, today was a decent day. Mom was still in bed when I arrived, but was obviously awake. I went into her bedroom and talked to her to get her engaged with the day. I eventually persuaded her to get up and get dressed. I noticed she didn’t have on her depends, and when I asked about it she said she ‘guessed’ she’d taken them off during the night…which might be true. I suspect she’d gotten up to go to the bathroom and just left them off. But, of course, that meant the bed was wet again. I changed the sheets again, and began to worry. She has three sets of sets, and this was the third change in three days. I certainly don’t want her to run out of clean linens, so I made a mental note to bring up some more tomorrow just to be safe. Mom got dressed without incident, and then sat and talked to me for a while She can’t concentrate for very long, and her energy level is certainly lower than it used to be. She’s started to have a lot more aches and pains as well. It’s almost painful to watch her trying to flex all her joints and get her hands working in the morning. There doesn’t seem to be much up-side for her these days. I do sincerely hope she finds something to enjoy in her life. Getting old is hell!

Thursday

Mom was sound asleep in her wheelchair this morning, wearing the same clothes as yesterday. Her bed was turned down, but hadn’t been slept in. I suspect Mom refused to let the staff help her into bed last night, and eventually fell asleep in the chair. So I made her bed, and she woke up. She was totally disoriented, unsure whether it was morning or evening. She was sleepy, but not unpleasant. It was obvious she was still halfway into her dream, and we spent most of the morning discussing the army. She was convinced Russ was in the service, and was concerned whether or not he had a warm coat. It didn’t matter to her that he was 62, and the army wouldn’t accept him even if he wanted to rejoin. After telling her half a dozen times that Russ wasn’t serving anywhere in the middle east, she decided to wonder if they’d be recalling Francis. Then she went on to decide they probably wouldn’t want her, since she was in a wheelchair. I’m not sure which war she was getting prepared to fight, but gratefully none of us should have to worry about it any time soon. I kept her talking, because whenever the room was quiet for five minutes she started dropping off. I did bring her in a couple new sheets and a stack of wash clothes, and tomorrow I’m going to bring her up a spare blanket. I also need to bring up a little bottle of oil, since one of the wheels on her chair has started making a horrible racket. It doesn’t appear to be broken, but it’s definitely not rolling cleanly. She was in good spirits when I took her down for lunch.

Friday

When I arrived today, Mom was laying in bed with her eyes shut, but she was verbally fighting with someone. I could hear her carrying on, yelling at whoever she thought she was talking to. I went into her bedroom and asked if she would like to get up, and she told me she had to finish first. She never told me what it was she wanted to finish. So I took her wheelchair into the living room and worked on getting her wheels ‘de-squeeked’. I had them all working pretty well, but one of them still had something that kept ‘sticking’. I talked to the office, and they’re going to have their handyman check it before I go out to buy new wheels. Once I finished that job, I tried again to get her up, but she didn’t want to talk to me. I went back into the living room, and before long Lynn called on the phone. Mom heard it, and started yelling out to the phone. She wanted to know who was there, and when I didn’t respond right away she started calling for ‘Aunt Flo’—-no idea who she thought that was. She continued to yell at me, and when I told her I was talking to Lynn, I’d be in in a minute, she yelled out to have Lynn call tomorrow. Lynn heard her, of course, and hung up (sorry, Lynn. It never occurs to her that her behavior might be rude!) After I hung up, I went in to see if I could help her, and she told me she just wanted to sleep, not talk. But then she told me if I wasn’t careful I was going to get fired. I told her I was retired, and she told me that was good, and that I should go home and take a nap! I asked her if she was ready to get up, but she said, no, she wanted to sleep. So I covered her up, took a hint and left. She was still talking when I left.

Saturday

Today was again strange. Mom was up when I arrived, but not quite put together. She had on shoes, no socks. She was wearing a summer nightgown, topped with a turtleneck. I don’t know if she was cold last night, or felt dressed for the day. She again didn’t know if it was morning or evening, so she didn’t know if she was getting up or going to bed. She of course was very tired. She had been in bed sometime, so she was at least sleeping for a while. It looked like she’d had a shower yesterday, so I knew they’d had her up sometime. She doesn’t seem to know when she’s eaten, or what meal she’s going to next. She seldom has much appetite anymore. I got out clothes for her, but she kept telling me she’d just gotten dressed. I knew her depends were wet, so I had to almost force her to change. I don’t understand how she can’t tell that when she’s wearing them, but the smell alone is enough to tell me! It took prodding for more than an hour to finally get her out of the nightgown and into clean clothes. She kept fussing that she didn’t understand why she had to change her clothes again, and didn’t understand why the nightgown wasn’t acceptable wear for the dining room. I guess the most concerning for me was her insistence that Sue and Francis were here. She kept asking me why they’d taken the kids with them, and when I asked what kids, she kept insisting there was a boy and a girl in her room just minutes before I came in. And she got mad at me when I either told her there were no kids here, or no one was visiting, etc. I guess she thinks I’m just being mean and trying to confuse her. I was there all morning, and she never really talked to me rationally all morning. All I could do was my best to not upset her, which is more of a problem than you’d think sometimes.

1/1/2012 – 1/7/2012

Sunday

Mom was sitting in her wheelchair when I arrived today, and as I walked in she was zipping up her nightgown.  I asked her if she was ready to get dressed, and her response was “dressed?  I was just going to bed!”  Apparently, she thought it was nighttime.  But since she was up, I tried to encourage her to stay up for the day.  I got out clothes for her to wear, and made her bed.  She continued to sit in her chair in a half-dream state, talking about the little girl someone had dropped off and just expected her to take care of.  I kept trying to get her to refocus, because I’m sure she was still dreaming, but she stubbornly kept right on complaining about having to take care of this little girl that shouldn’t have been there.  I’d gotten her a replacement remote control for her television, but couldn’t get it to work, so today I brought up yet another, and was able to get this one registered for her television.  Hopefully she’ll be able to work it, and not lose the remote again.  I’m not sure if I prefer Mom sleeping, or in a foul mood.  Everything she said or anything she answered me was negative and whiney.  She complained about the housekeeping staff ruining all her furniture, running the vacuum into it.  She won’t believe me that she’s doing it herself with her wheelchair.  She complained about the dirt on the floor, saying ‘they’ made a mess when they brought in new flats of flowers.  When I pointed out that no one but her touched her flowers, she argued with me that, no, the middle shelf were hers, but the bottom shelf were ones the staff was bringing in, and they were making a real mess!  I pointed out that several newly planted ‘starts’ were sitting on her dresser, and asked if she wanted me to bring them out so they could get help from the lamps.  She never answered me, so I eventually just brought them out.  She complained that they were crowded and planted wrong,.  I just bit my lip and ignored her complaints.  She pointed out water on the shelf, which I explained was left from her watering the flowers.  I dried up the water, and she continued to pick up the flowers one by one, dumping their excess water onto the shelf and then complaining about the mess ‘they’ made.  I dried up the spills three more times, and she still insisted it wasn’t her.  She’d been culling out the bad leaves last night, but found a few more that she plucked off the plants, One was stubborn, and she made a huge mess on the floor again.  Sure enough, when she noticed it, she insisted once again that someone else had done it.  I offered her some banana bread, which she readily accepted (and enjoyed, thank God!), but said I must have cheated the other residents.  I told her I didn’t bring every resident a loaf of bread, and apparently that was unfair.  I couldn’t win.  I asked her a number of times to please wash her hands before lunch, since they were full of dirt from picking at the leaves.  She never moved.  I eventually took her into the bathroom, and told her to wash her hands so I could take her to lunch.  She got pretty huffy, but eventually DID wash them, so at least I don’t have to worry about her lunch!.  Lynn called, and Mom seemed to enjoy their chat, but after hanging up Mom asked me if the kids would be coming in for the holidays.  I told her Heather had been here, but the holidays were over now, and it was 2012.  She didn’t seem able to process that information.  Staff told me she’d actually been up for both lunch and dinner yesterday, so that was good.  They also said she’d been up really early this morning (around 3am, so I guess I’m not surprised she thought she was going to bed when I was arriving today.  I hope she can stay up and get her internal clock readjusted today.  She seemed content (if perturbed) when I left at noon.

Monday

Well, Mom was sleeping soundly when I arrived today.  I was in and out of her room, as was the staff, and she never even stirred.  I didn’t want to disturb her if she was really sleeping that well and, by all appearances, that contentedly.  After doing a few things in her room, and reading a little, I left quietly and hoped she’d have a good afternoon.

Tuesday

Mom was still in bed when I arrived.  I checked with the staff, and she’d been in bed most of yesterday as well.  We weren’t sure if she’d been up during the night or not.  I tried to get her up several times, but she just wasn’t responding.  I laid out clothes for her day, and picked up her room.  I found a number of plants squirreled away in her closet and hidden under her lamp table, so apparently she’d had some kind of paranoid dream and tried hiding her things.  She started tossing around a little before 11, so I went in and started talking to her more insistently, trying to get her up for lunch.  She was whining about how stiff and sore she was, but if she’d been laying in the same position for almost a day, it didn’t surprise me.  I tried to get her legs moving and eventually got her sitting on the edge of the bed.  I eventually got her into the bathroom, and quickly changed her bed linens while she was going tot he bathroom.  Yesterday I’d made her a new wheelchair cushion and she noticed the difference but I don’t know if that’s good or bad.  It’s thicker than the last one (since it looked like a pancake within a month!), but Mom said it was stiff.  I guess I just can’t win some days.  I tried to distract her by reading her the article about Westclox.  It interested her, but immediately took her back in time.  She was worried about all the people who worked there, and kept saying it was a good thing she wasn’t working on Sunday, and Dorothy wouldn’t have anywhere to go today…..  Oh, well, at least it gave her something new to think about.  It was too late to get her a shower before lunch, so I helped her get dressed for lunch.  Staff told her they’d been back after lunch for her shower—-I hope she remembers and doesn’t fight them about it.  We sat and chatted for a while before I took her down for lunch.  She seemed better, but was now focused on ‘getting out of here’ again.  Hopefully lunch with get rid of that notion for today.

Wednesday

Three staffers caught me in the hallway on my way into Homestead today to tell me Mom had been up early, had been down for lunch, and had spent much of the morning doing laps in the hallway, setting off alarms trying to get out various doors.  Apparently, she was insistent that she get the girls on the bus for school….. I guess she was getting pretty indignant, and they wished me well on encountering her.  Since they thought she was still making laps, I went back the way I had come to try to intercept her.  I got about 20 feet down the hallway when I heard them calling my name.  Apparently they’d encountered her in her room.  When I got there, she was in a GREAT mood, and was chatting with those same staff members.  She made no mention of the bus, so none of us did, either.  She was really bright and interactive, and spent most of the morning talking to me!  I was surprised, but relieved, too.  It was actually a very good morning.  She was happy when I left her at noon.

Thursday

Today made me a little concerned.  Mom was in her wheelchair when I arrived.  She was dressed, but couldn’t tell me if she’d been to bed, or if she’d had breakfast.  She was so tired she couldn’t even give me a complete answer before she fell back asleep.  She had to go to the bathroom, but couldn’t manage to stand up long enough to transfer to the toilet.  After fifteen minutes of ‘just give me a minute’, I went to get staff to help me.  They were able to get her transferred to the toilet and back again when she was done, but she was too weak to do it alone.  I tried to engage her in conversation, but she wasn’t tracking.  At one point she tried to tell me something, and I was listening intently, but she got halfway through her statement and she fell fast asleep.  When her eyes were open, she just stared off into space.  When I took her to lunch, I had a tough time even getting her to acknowledge I was leaving.  I suggested she might want to take a nap later.  It’s like she has no energy reserve at all anymore.

Friday

Today was somewhat better than yesterday.  Mom was up and dressed when I arrived.  She had been showered this morning.  She was apparently interrupted before she completed her morning routine—-her hair was full of VO5, but stood out all over her head.  When she didn’t seem to be aware of it, I went ahead and got a comb and combed it for her.  I know she wouldn’t want to go out with her hair standing out like that!  She seemed fairly clearheaded, and we chatted amiably for well over an hour.  Then she started to fade, and I spent the rest of the morning trying to keep her from tipping out of her chair.  It really unnerves me when she curls up like an armadillo playing dead—-when her knuckles start to meet the carpet, I startle her back awake and make her sit up.  That works for the next 3 to 4 minutes…….  Other than seeming tired, she was fine when I left at noon.

Saturday

Mom was up and dressed when I arrived today, but was really drowsy.  I brought her two new violets today, so she was busy looking them over.  I checked her refrigerator and noticed the freezer was dripping.  She’d apparently turned the temperature up so high the freezer compartment was melting.  She had an ice cream sandwich in the freezer, and it was basically milk and two soggy cookies…… I cleaned out the refrigerator and made sure I scrubbed down the freezer compartment.  I reset the temperature so it wouldn’t defrost again.  Mom was in good spirits and chatted with me for a while, but kept dropping off, rolling into a ball.  I talked her into sitting in her recliner, and got her legs propped up and her back reclined so she wasn’t in danger of falling out.  She slept the rest of the morning until I woke her for lunch.  I got her out of the one chair and into her wheelchair, and she seemed happy when I took her to lunch.

12/25/2011 – 12/31/2011

Sunday

I was grateful to find Mom up and having gone to breakfast.  But it didn’t take too long before it became apparent she wasn’t quite running on all 8 cylinders.  She started by telling me she just got back from the dentist, and was laughing that the dentists’ daughter had actually fixed her broken tooth.  Of course, the daughter was about 6, in second or third grade, and was about the same size as Heather…….okay!  I asked her how she got there, and she was quite convincing that she’d walked from 5th street, and they’d just finished up about 20 minutes ago!  She didn’t want to drop it—-we kept coming back to the dentist story every few minutes.  I gave her some Christmas gifts, and she seemed to enjoy opening them.  I reminded her I had money from my sisters, so she had a guilt-free cache of mad money for when she wanted something special.  I repaired and rehung the wall quilt.  She couldn’t remember pulling it down, and was sure someone else had taken it down on her.  I put all her new ‘stuff’ away, and eventually took her down for lunch.  They were having prime rib for lunch!  I hope she enjoys it.  I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas.

Monday

I found Mom dressed and in her wheelchair this morning, but sound asleep.  I really had to shake her to get any response at all, and then it was a mumbled, non-sensical reply.  I found a whole stack of clothes folded on her chair, and went about putting them away, again.  I moved Mom into the living room with me, but she just couldn’t hold her head up.  I tried for another 20 or 30 minutes, but she never did respond.  One of the staff came in and told me Mom had been up all night, which seemed to fit what I was seeing.  She woke Mom and asked her if she would like to go to bed, and Mom said she was in bed……  The staffer left, and a few minutes later I asked Mom if she wouldn’t be more comfortable lying in bed.  She said yes, but she thought it was time to get up….. I told her if she was sleepy, she would be better off lying down and getting some real sleep instead of being half asleep in the wheelchair.  So I eventually got her to lie in the bed.  I took off her shoes, tucked her in, since she was cold, and told her to have a good nap before lunch.  I had nothing left to do in her room, so I updated the staff and left.  I sure hope she gets back to normal soon.

Tuesday

Today turned out to be a pretty good day.  Mom was up and dressed when I arrived. She’d had a shower, and had been down for breakfast.  She was in the bathroom when I arrived, so I changed the linens on her bed and tidied up her room.  When she was done and joined me in the living room, she was upbeat and lucid.  We talked all morning about family, and she remained awake and alert all morning.  It was a huge relief to finally have a decent day.  She was happy when I left her at noon.

Wednesday

Mom was up and dressed this morning, but in yesterday’s clothes.  I have my doubts that she’d really gone to bed last night.  But she was in a good mood, and had gone down for breakfast this morning.  She seemed pretty lucid, and we talked for quite a while before things started to slip.  She started staring at her hands and arms, complaining about the veins in her hands and the wrinkles on her arms.  Then she pulled off Dad’s watch, handed it to me, and told me to put it back in the box, it really didn’t go with her outfit.  When I told her she’d been wearing it since Dad died, she scoffed at me, saying it certainly wasn’t attractive, and didn’t even fit her!  (I’m not sure if this is regression or progression—–I think it has always looked clunky and out-of-place, but she’s always had a sentimental attachment to.  I was shocked for her to figure out at this point that it was unattractive on her!)  She put it back on and pulled it back off at least five times.  So I finally took it when she reached it out to me, and put it in my own pocket.  I was afraid if I didn’t she’d throw it away as soon as I left!  That seemed to settle it for a while, but then she started looking at her hands again, complaining again about the big veins, etc.  Then she mentioned that her wedding rings wouldn’t even come off anymore, and proceeded to yank them off her finger!  She said she only wanted to see what was inside of them, but again she decided they didn’t look good with the veins on her hands……but she put them back on and at least didn’t try to get rid of those!  She mumbled something about wanted to change something so it would match—-not sure what it was, but she couldn’t clarify it.  I believe she was concerned that her green shirt and pants didn’t match her blue veins—-seems to be the main topic for today!  She did have some nice moments.  Angie had sent her a nice Christmas box, and she had a lot of fun opening each thing (immediately eating a couple of turtles ).  She really enjoys opening new boxes!  She eventually dropped off to sleep and napped until lunchtime.  When I woke her for lunch, the first thing she said to me was ‘touch me again and I’ll kick you through the door’.  I hope she was just waking up from a dream, since I hadn’t done anything that should have made her mad.  She seemed a little confused when I took her to lunch, but was cheerful and seemed okay when I left.

Thursday

I’m not sure what I feel about today.  Mom was sitting in her wheelchair when I arrived, but still in her nightgown, staring out the window.  She was friendly, but detached, and asked me several strange questions.  I’m cold, am I naked?  Who am I?  Where am I?  I noticed her sheets where wet, so I knew she, too, was wet. I got out a fresh set of clothes and encouraged her to go into the bathroom.  She told me she already put on fresh underwear and socks, but I assured her, no, they were from yesterday and it was time to change.  While she was thinking that over, I changed her bed and went back into the bathroom to help her.  When I finally got her on her feet to transfer to the toilet, she realized she was wet and also cold, so getting her to get out of the soiled clothes wasn’t a problem.  Lynn called once I got Mom settled on the toilet, so I answered the phone and left Mom to her own devices.  By the time I got back to her, she actually had gotten dressed, and seemed much clearer.  It appears that most of her confusion could be blamed on simply just having gotten up.  She was much more lucid once she came out of the bathroom.  We chatted for a while, and sure enough she DID ask me if I knew where her watch was—-she was missing it.  I took it back out of my pocket, and she promptly put it back on her arm.  I guess it didn’t clash with the veins in her hands today  I noticed several things were missing from her living room again, but didn’t have any way to thoroughly look for it without upsetting her.  (Specifically her picture of the 4 of us, and one of her pillows).  I’m assuming she’s tucked them into her new hidey-hole.  Someday I’m going to find it, and solve a bunch of mysteries!  She did start napping again about 11:15, but at least I feel like she got some sleep last night, so I wasn’t too worried about it.  She was joking around when I left at noon.

Friday

I brought Mom a loaf of banana bread today, knowing how much she likes it, as well as some new orange juice.  I found her in bed, sound asleep.  She wasn’t very responsive, so I went about picking up her room and looking for some of her lost treasures.  I found the photo of us buried in her magazine bucket, so I put it back on display.  I laid out clothes for today,   I sat and read for a while, trying to rouse Mom every 15 minutes, but she just wasn’t having it.  I eventually left her there to sleep since I wasn’t sure if she’d been up all night or not.  I told the staff she was still in bed when I left.

Saturday

I again found Mom sleeping, even though she’d talk a blue streak every 10 minutes or so to someone I couldn’t see.  I gathered from what she was saying she thought she was crocheting something.  When I tried to wake her, she’d say something about leave her alone until she figured out what her next stitch was supposed to be.  I checked her dirty clothes and didn’t see any from yesterday, so I’m concerned with what’s really gone on in the last 24 hours.  I tried to entice her with banana bread.  I was able to get her to sit on the edge of her bed, but after 5 minutes she decided she’d rather go back to sleep than get up, and curled back up under the covers.  I talked to the staff, and she never did get up yesterday.  They said they’d try again to get her up for lunch, and if that failed they’d get her up for dinner for sure.  I don’t want her to get too run down.  I left her feeling quite concerned today.

12/18/2011 – 12/25/2011

Sunday

Today Mom was feisty.  She was sleeping when I arrived, so I went about straightening up her apartment.  She must have been up most of the night, by the looks of her room—-she’d ‘cleaned up’ almost every cupboard, drawer, and shelf!  After going through as much of the room as I could, I still can’t find the remote for her television or her third room key.  I’m going to try to avoid getting yet another key.  I’m positive she’s found some new place to squirrel things away, but I haven’t found it yet.  I’ve shown her how to use the television without the remote, but I doubt she’ll remember.  If that doesn’t show up in the next few days I’ll probably get her a new universal remote as part of her Christmas.  I kept trying to get her up, and eventually coerced her out of bed.  She rolled into the bathroom about 10:30, saying she better hurry or she might miss breakfast.  I told her they stopped serving almost three hours ago, but I’d be glad to get her some coffee while she got dressed.  She thought that was a good idea, so I went off for coffee, and when I got back she was still sitting in her bathroom, having not moved an inch.  I asked her to get dressed, and she could have some coffee, and she did cooperate with me.  She came out a little before 11, and was putting on her shoes when Lynn called.  Lynn was talking to me, but I could see Mom’s face registering impatience.  She finally burst out with ‘if I don’t get down there soon, I won’t get any breakfast!’  I told her it was too late for breakfast, they were getting ready for lunch.  I talked to Lynn a few more minutes, and I could see Mom’s brain starting to work through the logic, and pretty soon she rolled into the kitchenette, poured her coffee down the sink, and headed out the apartment door.  When I asked where she was going, she told me she was going to lunch!  I told her it was a little too early, and brought her back into the room and suggested Lynn talk to her before she took off again.  Mom talked to her for a few minutes and then made an excuse to hand the phone back to me. I talked to Lynn a few more minutes, and Mom managed to hook the leg of her plant stand with her wheelchair and started pulling it across the room with her, yanking the timer plug out of the wall.  When the lights went out, she looked confused and then rolled over and flipped on the overhead lights.  She continued to try to ‘go to lunch’; even though she told me she wasn’t really hungry.  Between several more attempts to escape, she’d fidget in her chair, or take a few catnaps.  It was a very odd morning, but at least she was in a fairly decent mood.  She was happy when I left.

Monday

Mom was sleeping when I arrived, so I went about laying out her clothes for the day.  Mom scared me when she yelled out ‘what are you doing!!’  After I got over being startled, I tried to keep the mood light, and told her I was just getting her out clean clothes to put on.  She woke up pretty quickly and actually seemed pretty clear-minded today.  She wanted to doze off and on for another 30 minutes, but eventually did get up.  I made her bed while she got cleaned up and dressed for the day.  She asked me lots of questions about family members and we chatted for the rest of the morning.  This was the first really good morning she’s had for a very long time.  She was very contented when I left at noon.

Tuesday

Mom was just finishing up her shower when I arrived today.  She was in good spirits.  I changed the sheets on her bed, and put fresh towels in her bathroom.  It looked like she’d been ‘cleaning up’ last night——a number of her dead violets (due to lack of water) were gone, there was a stack of pots next to her sink, a bag of dirt behind her door, and dirt debris all over her floor.  When I mentioned she must have been cleaning out her flowers, she denied it, saying someone must have stolen them.  When I pointed out the pots on her sink and the dirt on the floor, she started fussing about the mess ‘they’ made when they took her flowers!  I redirected her by reminding her housekeeping would be in soon to vacuum, so she didn’t have to worry about it.  Within 15 minutes the staff was there to clean up, so I took Mom out to one of the conversation areas in the hallway to get out of their way.  We talked for a while, but pretty quickly she dropped off to sleep.  I just sat with her for a while.  When it got closer to noon, I went back to her room to get my coat.  Her room was spick-and-span, and smelt like cinnamon  I went back and engaged mom in conversation, trying to wake her up before lunchtime.  She seemed fine when I left.

Wednesday

Mom was sleeping when I arrived, and showed no desire to get up.  I checked in with her every 15 minutes or so, but she ‘just wanted to sleep a little more’.  Finally I got tired of twiddling my thumbs, and about 11 left, telling Mom I’d see her tomorrow.  She wasn’t upset or angry, just sleepy.  Hopefully she’ll get well rested.

Thursday

Mom was still sleeping when I arrived.  I picked up her room, and found she’d managed to soil 4 pairs of pants yesterday, so apparently it hadn’t been a very good day.  I noticed a strong urine odor, but wasn’t sure where it was coming from.  I was laying out her clothes when she started to wake up, and talked with me.  She seemed cheerful if a bit sleepy.  she told me she wanted to sleep a while longer, so I left her alone until about 11.  Then I went in and pushed again to try to get her up for lunch. She decided she was hungry enough to want to get up.  I checked her wheelchair to straighten out the wheels and knew I’d found the source of the odor—-I picked up the cushion on her chair, and found the chair itself was wet!  So I scrubbed down the cushion and put it in her bathroom to dry, and then scrubbed down the chair itself.  At least she won’t be sitting in a wet spot all day!  I got her up and into the bathroom, and then made her bed while she got dressed and ready for the day.  She came out into the living room and left the water running full blast in her bathroom sink, so I went in there to shut it off.  I wonder how often this happens—it must play havoc with their water bill!  Mom was in a chipper mood, and we chatted amiably until it was time for lunch.  She was cheerful and bubbly when I left.

My heart always sinks when I see ‘Homestead’ pop up on my phone ID because I know It’s either Mom on a tear or the nurse telling me something has happened.  This time when the phone rang at 8 pm it was Mom.  She was all excited, and told me the nurse told her she was being discharged tomorrow, and would I take her home?  If I couldn’t, she’d have to call Bill to come and get her.  I tried to rationally explain this to her, but she was just getting perturbed with me.  She didn’t care if her house was sold, or if her father’s house was sold, or that she didn’t know where she was going, but by God she wasn’t going to stay here one more day, and if I wouldn’t help her, she was going to get Bill to come get here!  I finally told her to go ahead, because I couldn’t help her.  She hung up on me.  I worried about her all night.

Friday

I was worried what I would find when I arrived today.  I found Mom sound asleep, and she didn’t respond to my talking to her at all.  I found some of her clothes packed and ready to go, so I quietly put everything away.  I put out clothes for her to put on when she got up, and realized she’d actually slept in her clothes from yesterday.  The worst thing I saw was that her wall quilt had been ripped down —- one of the bulldog hooks was pulled completely out of the wall.  One of the hanging loops on the back of the quilt was still hanging on the wall on the remaining bulldog hook.  The dowel rods that held it rigid were pulled out and the thrown on her floor.  I found the quilt itself grasped in her hands.  It really saddened me.  I talked with the staff and found out Mom went to bed no earlier than 3 am.  They tried every couple of hours to get her to put on her nightgown and go to bed, but she continually refused.  We decided if she was sleeping that soundly it was probably best to let her sleep.  I hope she wakes up in better spirits than when she went to sleep.

Saturday

Today was no better than yesterday.  Mom was in bed when Heather and I arrived, and was having an animated conversation with someone we couldn’t see.  I told her I brought her company, and when she asked me who was here, I told her Heather.  She responded, ‘what about the weather?’ and I repeated, no, HEATHER was here.  Mom woke up enough to say hello, ask her how she was, and then said ‘Goodbye’.  We both looked at each other, and went back out into the living room.  We stayed for about 20 minutes, and then tried again.  Mom wouldn’t even open her eyes.  She told me she wanted to sleep more.  So we told her goodbye, and left.  I talked to the staff on the way out, and they said she’d also refused to take her pills, telling them to bring it in later.  She again was sleeping in yesterday’s clothes.  They told me they’d keep checking on her and see if they could get her up for lunch.  I do hope she gets up sometime today.

12/11/2011 – 12/17/2011

Sunday

Mom was sleeping soundly when I arrived, still in her clothes from yesterday.  I picked up her room, watered her violets, and tried to keep myself busy.  About every 20 minutes I’d try to wake her up, but she kept saying she wanted to sleep a little longer.  I always figured if she’s that tired it’s better to leave her alone if possible.  So we did this all morning long, until I finally got her awake enough to ask her if she wanted to get up, or if she’d prefer to stay in bed.  She told me she’d rather stay in bed, so I told her I was going to run some errands and I’d see her tomorrow.  I warned the staff on my way out, and they said they’d be in to get her up this afternoon.

Monday

Mom was actually up when I arrived today.  She told me she’d slept well and felt good.  I saw the package from Lynn on her plant stand yesterday, and it was still there.  So I handed it to her and told her she had a present.  She was like a little kid opening up an unexpected gift.  She kept looking over her selection of snacks, and immediately opened the turtles and popped one in her mouth.  She told me they were nice and fresh, and seemed very well pleased.  She was fussing about getting a thank you note written, so I suggested she just call her instead.  Mom thought that was a good idea, and Lynn seemed pleased that Mom was relatively sound of mind this morning.  After that, Mom and I talked all morning, and she seemed to be in very good shape.  She was happy when I took her to lunch.  Staff stopped me before I left, though, and told me they hadn’t been able to get Mom up until late yesterday, and she had refused to take her morning pills all together.  That’s not good, but I’m not sure there’s much we can do about it.  I’m sure they’ll watch it; hope it doesn’t happen too often.

Tuesday

Staff was just finishing up Mom’s shower when I arrived.  Mom looked ticked off, and the staff confirmed that she hadn’t wanted to get in the shower and had fought with them before she got in there.  One of them had a scratch down her forearm from Mom.  She said she was all right, but that was why she’d had to get two others to help her handle Mom.  When they finished up and left, Mom was up and dressed, but not really talking to me yet.  She eventually asked me if she could go brush her hair, and of course I said sure, to do whatever she wanted.  She went in the bathroom, and I heard her banging around in there but couldn’t tell what it was she was doing.  After 15 minutes, I asked her if she wanted help.  She said no, she was just combing her hair (why she was still at it after 15 minutes baffles me—she doesn’t have that much hair!)  So I left her alone, and another 10 minutes later she finally came out into the living room.  She’d lost the edge in her voice, and seemed pretty happy.  So we just talked for awhile, and she seemed reasonably content.  The nurse came by with her morning meds, and after Mom took them she fell asleep in her chair.  She napped until lunchtime and was engrossed in conversation with her tablemates when I left

Wednesday

Mom was sound asleep when I arrived.  I’d brought her up her Christmas cookies and thought that might entice her to get up, but I couldn’t even get her to look at me.  She told me she didn’t know how to open her eyes…..and she didn’t know how to sit up…..and she didn’t know how to roll over….but she didn’t want me to get someone to help her, because she could do it by herself.  I tried every 15 minutes or so until 11:30 and finally gave up.  She just wanted to ‘sleep a little more’.  I don’t know if she slept for 10 more minutes or for hours.  I alerted the staff when I left that she was still in bed.  We’re all getting used to this roller coaster behavior.  Since she’d been up the last two days, it was time for her to have another of her ‘sleep’ days.  I just hope she gets up in time to eat something today.

Thursday

Today was actually a good day.  When I arrived staff told me Mom had been up early, came down for breakfast, and was doing laps in the hallway.  I went to her room, but it was empty.  I started around the square hallways, and finally caught up with her back at the front door.  She was in really good spirits and had a huge smile on her face.  I took her back to her room, and we talked for a couple of hours almost non-stop.  She asked me a lot of questions about the family (many of them more than once) and seemed to be aware that it was December, and almost time for Christmas.  It was a pleasant morning.  She was still happy when I took her down for lunch, and was chatting with her tablemates when I left.

Friday

Today was tough.  Mom was still in bed when I arrived, but was awake.  I tried talking to her, but she wasn’t responsive.  I knew the staff would be in soon to give her a shower, so I went about laying out clothes and getting out fresh towels.  I still couldn’t get Mom up, so I sat in the living room and waited.  Staff came in shortly and they were able to persuade her to get up and got her in the shower.  About 20 minutes later they brought her out, all squeaky clean.  They left, and Mom seemed okay but not quite in touch with the day.  She finally said ‘you’re always here….who are you?’  When I told her who I was, she asked if she had any other children.  So, I told her about all of her daughters, and then we went through her sisters, and then we went through her grandchildren, etc.  It was like all new information to me.  Then she started moving her hand around in circles, and said ‘I know these are fingers, but what are these?” and waggled her foot.  I told her those were toes.  We went through several more sets of really awkward questions, and then went through her daughters and sisters multiple more times.  She kept sighing loudly, and finally said she was tired of working her memory so hard.  It was obvious she was feeling melancholy and a little morose.  I asked her what she wanted for Christmas, and she said she’d like to have a nice meal with all of us.  It made me feel sad, knowing that was one thing I couldn’t do for her.  No matter what I tried to change the subject to, she kept coming back to something that made her feel bad.  I hope she cheers up this afternoon.

Saturday

Mom was sleeping fitfully when I arrived.  She kept flipping over, and grumbling in her sleep.  I tried several times to wake her up, but she seemed so restless I tried to leave her alone.  I eventually got her to talk to me about 11:00.  I asked if she wanted to get up or if she wanted to stay in bed, and she said she thought she should get up.  So I helped her get up, but knew her mood was still very unsettled.  I got her into the bathroom, and told her I’d laid her clothes out, and she started lashing out at me verbally.  She told me she didn’t care what anyone said, she was moving out of this place.  When I asked her why, she fussed and fumed and eventually came up with she was tired of being told what to do.  Since I know no one had been in her room all morning, I asked what had caused her to become so angry, and she couldn’t answer me.  She was crying and angry, and taking objection with everything I said.  I asked if she wanted me to help her get dressed, and she insisted she could do it alone, so I went into the living room and left her alone.  Every 5 minutes she’d say something, and I’d run in to see what she was saying.  She remained really angry, and talked about wishing Dad had taken her with him when he left.  She wanted to know what I’d done with Gretchen.  She didn’t know why she couldn’t do what she wanted, but when I asked what she wanted to do, she couldn’t tell me.  I tried very hard not to feed her anger, so I just let her unload.  Finally, right before noon, she came out of the bathroom fully dressed, looked at me, smiled, and said, ‘well, I didn’t know you were here!’ I told her I’d been there more than three hours, and she asked me why I didn’t wake her up.  When I told her I’d helped her get up more than an hour ago, she just ignored it.  She came into the living room and put on her shoes and socks.  She seemed perfectly happy and wasn’t at all upset anymore.  When I took her down to lunch and told her I’d see her tomorrow, she answered cheerfully ‘I’ll be here!’  I wish I could get over the frustration that quickly, but I guess I feel better knowing she won’t be fussing all afternoon.

12/4/2011 – 12/10/2011

Sunday

Staff caught me on my way into Mom’s room this morning.  Apparently she’d been up most of the night, and they had just gotten her into bed at 7 this morning.  Obviously she’d just really gotten to sleep, and wasn’t in any mood to get up.  The staff assured me they’d keep an eye on her, and make sure she got up for at least suppertime.  There wasn’t anything I could do for her, so I left for the day.

Monday

Today the Kansas Department of Aging was coming to interview Mom, and I thought I better be there in case her answers didn’t quite match up with reality.  They were coming at 3:00, so I went to Homestead a little before 2:00 so I could be sure she was up and dressed, and reasonably prepared for them.  I kept explaining to her they were there to evaluate Homestead, and Mom spent more than 30 minutes telling me how happy she was here, and how nice everyone was.  When the Kansas rep showed up, the first thing she asked Mom was how she liked Homestead.  The conversation went something like this……”So, how do you like it here at Homestead?”…”I’d rather be in my own house.”…”Do you like the food? (which I know she loves!)”….”Mine’s better”….”How long have you lived here?”….”I’m just visiting”….”Where did you live before you came here?”….”With my Mom and Dad”…..”Do you feel safe here?”…..”I always lock my door so no one can surprise me.”….”How many children do you have?”….”That’s my baby (indicating me)” ………….okay, about this time, she realized Mom wasn’t quite all there, so she gave Mom a few more softball questions and then started asking me my opinion.  I was really surprised how negative and / or non-responsive Mom was.  And as soon as the lady left, Mom turned to me and said ‘Who was that?”  I told her, and her response TO ME was ‘Oh, I really like it here.  I think it’s great.”  Oh, my.  I stayed and talked with her awhile, and then went home for the day.

Tuesday

Today was one of those days I wish I could rescript.  Ten minutes after I arrived, I was ready to leave, but I stuck it out until noon.  When I first arrived, Mom was wearing slacks and her nightgown.  I assumed she was getting dressed, but she told me she was getting ready for bed—-after all, it WAS a quarter after 11!  I told her, no, it was only about 9:20 or so in the morning, and she had her watch on upside-down.  No response.  I noticed piles of clothes.  She was packing, again.  She kept talking about moving, and the conversation convinced me she thought she was going to LaSalle.  I kept telling her, no, she was living here now.  She got really angry, and got nasty with me.  She insisted she didn’t intend to stay here.  She kept talking about Joan and Dorothy, Dad, and a whole litany of relatives that have already passed.  When she gets really mad, she just clams up and stops talking to me.  I put away all the clothes and restocked her cabinets in the kitchen, etc.  I noticed her violets were so dry they were dying, so I got out her watering can and gave them a drink.  She’s told me every day for nearly a week she was going to water them, but obviously she hadn’t.  She even tried to tell me she’d already done it, but when tipped one of the pots over and it rained soil in my hand, she quit trying to claim she’d already done it.  I knew today was supposed to be her shower day, so I checked with the staff and they told me, yes, she was supposed to shower this morning, but Mom had been up all night and had refused to get in the shower this morning.   They came down to try again before she actually got dressed for the day, and she protested again, but they tried anyway.  Mom got really nasty with them, bending one of the staff’s fingers back on her hand and telling them to leave her alone.  They asked me to help, and I was able to get her calmed down, and eventually they got her into the whirlpool.  While they had her in there, I tried to make a quick pass through her room—-I changed the sheets on her bed, and put fresh towels in the bathroom.  Her key was missing again.  That’s three in the last two months.  If it doesn’t show up, I’m not sure I’m going to replace it this time.  She doesn’t need it to lock her door from the inside, and she’s seldom out of her room.  I’m not sure it’s worth the hassle.  I tried to be positive, and waited for her to get back from the whirlpool.  I was afraid she’d be angry, but at least she seemed to come back in a slightly better mood.  She still was very confused, and I’m hoping it’s just from fatigue.  Judy called a little after 11, and Mom told her an entirely different version of moving, but this time it sounded like a financial decision, not an emotional one.  I don’t know where she gets these ideas.  It didn’t take Judy very long to realize Mom was not at her best.  I tried to make light conversation with Mom until lunchtime.  She went down for lunch without an argument, and I saw they were having chicken-fried steak—-one of Mom’s favorites.  I hope the staff is able to get her into bed tonight, and hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

Wednesday

Mom’s bad temper continued today.  She was in bed when I arrived, and really fought getting up.  The beautician was in today, and I really wanted to get her hair cut if we could.  She refused help getting up, insisting she could do it herself, but made no effort to move one inch.  The staff knew I wanted to get her up, and two of them came in to help me.  Mom was horrible to them.  She yelled at one of them that if they touched her legs again she’d kick her through the door.  She told the other one to get her paws off of her.  She continued to berate them, insisting she could do it herself, but then when they asked her if she wanted to hook her own bra, she whined that, of course, that was the only hard thing to do!  So they ignored her complaints and just got the job done.  As you can imagine, she was in a really foul mood when they brought her into the living room.  I tried to encourage her, saying she’d feel better once she had her hair done, but all she’d do is mumble at me, and shut her eyes really tight and ignore me.  So I took her to the salon, and we were sitting alone in the hallway.  I didn’t know if she was just ignoring me, or if she was really napping.  All of a sudden, she sat straight up and said ‘you’re not the only visitor I’ve got this morning, you know!’.  She sounded almost indignant, so I wasn’t sure how to answer her and just kept silent.  Then she said ‘Well, aren’t you going to introduce me?”  I pointed out I couldn’t see anyone else in the hallway, and she just glared at me, like I was lying to her.  She immediately clamped her jaw shut, shut her eyes, and turned away from me again.  She was totally unresponsive to everything I said.  The beautician came and got her, and I watched her trying to work on Mom’s hair.  Again, Mom was either napping or intentionally being uncooperative.  She kept dropping her head down farther and farther.  I can’t imagine how the beautician was able to cut her hair at all!  I saw her trying to evenly assess her cut, and then roller-set the hair.  She was practically doing a headstand trying to see her face!  When she tried to put Mom under the dryer, the only part that was getting air blown on it was the back of her neck.  She eventually took a blow dryer to the front to try to get it dry.  When she was done, she apologized to me, but I was absolutely impressed that she’d been as patient as she had been.  I was also grateful for the 30 minutes of peace  Afterward, I took her back to her room, and Mom never responded to me or to anyone else that talked to her.  At lunchtime, I took her down to the dining room, and she said hello to her tablemates but never acknowledged my presence or seemed to care one way or the other whether I was there or not.  Tough morning.

Thursday

Well, ordinarily I’d say today wasn’t a very good day, but compared to the last few It was a winner.  She was up and eating breakfast when I arrived, and seemed to be pretty lucid.  She talked to me about the family and seemed to follow the conversation.  She even asked me questions about the grandkids.  But I found all of her electrical cords disconnected, and it was obvious her bed hadn’t been slept in.  She was obviously tired, and had trouble keeping her eyes open and her head up higher than her waist.  I tried to get her to sit in a recliner, but she kept saying she was fine where she was.  She made several comments about Dad and Gretchen, as if they’d be coming in the door at any minute.  She still doesn’t have a good grasp on the time of day, or what seems to be the logical next thing to do.  But the fact she knew who I was today and didn’t call me a dumbass makes it a win for me.

Friday

Mom was up when I got there this morning.  She was in her living room in her nightgown and slacks with shoes and socks on.  She told me she was cold when she got up.  She was flipping through a magazine, and the television was on.  I sat and talked to her for a while, and she seemed to be mentally clear today, and was in a good mood.  I made her bed (she’d actually been IN it last night!), and laid out clean clothes for her.  About 45 minutes after I came, the staff came by and when they found Mom actually up they offered to give her a shower (it is her ‘regular’ day, but she often fights them on it).  She didn’t disagree, so we sat and talked with her for a little while and eventually got her moved into the bathroom and then into the shower.  Once she was done, I heard her say something about how good it feels to be clean.  Woohoo, we’d made it through the shower without souring her mood!  She came back out and talked to me some more, and then said she’d really like to brush her teeth.  I told her to go ahead, and she said she wasn’t sure she was allowed to.  (That from the woman who’d thrown several staffers out of her room just a few days ago…..) I told her, sure, do whatever she wanted to do.  She went back in the bathroom, and spent quite a bit of time combing her hair and eventually brushing her teeth.  She kept fussing in there until I finally went in and brought her back into the living room.  It was almost time for lunch, and I wanted to spend some time with her before it was time for me to leave.  We talked about Christmas and family.  Mom remained cheerful all morning—-a new attitude for this week!  She was happy and contented when I left her at noon.

Saturday

Mom was sleeping in her wheelchair when I arrived.  She woke up when I came in, and seemed pretty clear and happy.  I have a slight concern, though, because she was in the same clothes as yesterday, and her bed was tightly made—-something she couldn’t have done herself.  I assume she never physically went to bed.  I noticed all her pictures were gone, and asked her why she put them away.  She looked startled, and looked at her dresser and immediately decided someone had stolen them. I told her, no, we’d find them.  I started going through her drawers, and noticed they’d all been rearranged, so I have to assume she’d spent most of her night ‘straightening up’ her room.  I finally found her pictures in a box in the back of her closet, underneath a whole bunch of flower pots and potting soil.  I just took them back out and she immediately forgot they’d ever been gone.  We’re still looking for three keys she’s lost in her room!  She’s very good at hiding things she feels are important.  All that aside, she seemed pretty clear-headed, so I brought in her Christmas cards to sign.  I had her laughing like crazy for a while, and it was fun to see her enjoying herself.  We sat in the activity room for a while and just chatted, but when she started to get cold I took her back to her room for a while.  She started telling me stories from the 40s and 50s.  She seemed to like the memories again.  She was happy when I took her to lunch.

11/27/2011 – 12/3/2011

Sunday

Mom was up and awake when I arrived today.  It was around 1, and Mom told me she’d just gotten back from having dinner at 5th street.  I pointed out in was just afternoon, so she must have just finished lunch, and let it go at that.  She was in really good spirits, and kept up a long conversation with me for nearly 2 hours.  Granted, we repeated subjects multiple times, but it was still nice to see her at least tracking the conversations for that long a time.  I almost hated to leave when I did, but had to get home before the boys woke up (Sean and Katie left this morning for their vacation, and I didn’t want Russ to have any trouble with them when they got up.)  Her memory was playing tricks on her, and she kept talking about visiting all kinds of dead relatives, but overall she was pretty bright today.

Monday

I called Homestead this morning to see if Mom was up and dressed this morning.  She was, so I decided to bring my grandsons up to see her.  It went pretty well, too.  The boys were pretty good, considering they are 1 and 3, and Mom seemed to enjoy them.  She really misses having children around, and enjoyed asking them questions and just watching them play.  It was a pleasant morning, and Mom was fine when we left her at noon.

Tuesday

Today I ran over to Homestead shortly after noon.  She had finished lunch, and I found her sleeping in her wheelchair in the hallway outside her room.  It actually took me quite some time to wake her up, she was so soundly asleep.  The housekeeping staff was cleaning her room, so I took her down to one of the meeting areas and we talked for about 30 minutes.  Once she woke up, she was quite animated and seemed to enjoy talking about family.  Once the staff finished her room, I took her back into her living room and we continued to visit.  She seemed perfectly clear today, and seemed aware of who was actually alive and who was dead —- a rare awareness these days.  So we had a pleasant afternoon.  I had to leave her to get back before the boys woke up from their naps, and actually thought it was a good day for her.

Wednesday

I was late getting to visit Mom today, so it was about 4:00 before I saw her.  Mom was rolling around the hallways.  We sat in one of the conversation areas and chatted until it was time for her to go to dinner.  She was cheerful, but a little disoriented.  She kept thinking she was visiting somewhere with lots of relatives, and kept saying she hoped it wasn’t too much for Dad.  I wasn’t sure if she knew who I was or not, but I didn’t want to push too much.  Other than her obvious confusion, she seemed fine when I left her at dinnertime.

Thursday

Our company left this morning, so my schedule should be getting back to normal tomorrow.  It was about 1 when I got to Homestead today, and Mom was sound asleep.  She was still in her nightgown, and the staff told me she hadn’t been up yet.  I tried to get her up, but she really didn’t want to get out of bed, so I let her be.  Hopefully she’ll get up in time for dinner.

Friday

Today was the first day back on my ‘normal’ schedule for Mom, and after yesterday I wasn’t sure what to expect.  I was surprised to find her up, showered, dressed, and already having eaten breakfast.  She seemed well rested and perfectly clear today.  We talked all morning.  She got hung up on Christmas, and fussed about getting Christmas cards out, and that led to who’s alive, and where they are. She continues to be shocked to hear who has already passed away, and each one was like a new torture.  The biggest problem when she’s this lucid is her desire to move back home.  She even tried arguing that they don’t do anything for her, that she gets up and cleans her own room, and makes her own bed (this right after she’d asked me to make her bed and hang up her jacket, etc.) I try to explain to her that she needs someone around to regulate her meds and find her if she falls, but she just turns a blind eye to all of that.  So I quit trying to give her the logical argument and changed the subject.  The other thing she focuses on when she’s fairly good is her money—-she’s asking again about seeing her bank statements, and I’ve learned to just agree and let it go.  I’m happy to see her almost back to her old self, but it’s hard to see it be so painful for her.  I was there when they checked her weight this morning (they do this every month), and she’s down to 143 pounds, so skipping all those meals are definitely having an effect on her weight.  I’m not worried about it yet, but it’s certainly something to watch.

Saturday

Mom was sound asleep in her wheelchair when I arrived today.  Looking around her room, it became obvious she was either packing to go somewhere, or doing a thorough spring cleaning.  She’d emptied out her dresser drawers and all the cabinets and tables in her living room.  Stuff was piled everywhere!  I started putting all the stuff away, hoping she would have forgotten about it by the time she woke up. I got about half her living room and kitchen back together before she woke up.  She was still a little disoriented, so I went ahead and put everything else away before she really woke up.  She’d finished her treats, so I washed up all her Tupperware containers to take home.  Mom seemed to be in a happy mood and didn’t protest my returning her stuff to its original place, so it seemed to be okay.  We talked for awhile, and she seemed fine.  She told me she felt good, and had slept well last night.  Dianne called and Mom had a chat with her.  Staff stopped by several times, and one of them stopped and talked to Mom for awhile.  Mom was getting sleepy, and I suspect she’ll sleep most of this afternoon, but overall seemed to be happy and settled today.

11/20/2011 – 11/26/2011

Sunday

Surprisingly enough, Mom was up and dressed when I arrived.  She’d been down to breakfast and was quite cheerful.  We talked for more than an hour about family and what was going on with all the kids.  She started dropping off about 11, but that’s pretty much par for the course of late. She kept startling herself awake, we’d talk for awhile, and then she’d drop off again.  She wasn’t hungry at noon, but I encouraged her to go down to at least see what they were having.  She seemed okay when I left here.

Monday

Things weren’t very good today.  Mom was sleeping in her wheelchair when I arrived.  When I tried to wake her up, she only came half awake and remained groggy all morning.  After she almost tumbled out of her chair, I encouraged her to sit in a recliner, so she could put up her feet and not be in danger of falling.  She wasn’t much help, but eventually we managed to get her into the chair and leaning back with her feet up.  She was sound asleep in seconds, and hardly moved all morning.  Her breathing was shallow.  I watched her all morning and her physical condition really concerned me.  When I tried to get her up for dinner, she told me first she wasn’t hungry, and then she wasn’t feeling well.  I asked if she’d like to keep napping, and she said no, she didn’t want to nurses coming nagging at her.  So we tried to get her BACK in the wheelchair—it took four tries, but we finally got it done.  She didn’t want to go to the bathroom, but I knew from her odor that she’d already soiled her depends, and really needed to put on clean ones.  She tried to fight it, but eventually gave in.  And it’s good that she did—–she didn’t even make it to the toilet before she started to pee again!  So I got her dry pants and depends, and at least she was dry and empty when she was done!!  She’d forgotten it was lunchtime, so she was combing her hair, over and over again.  So at noon I finally took her wheelchair and rolled her down to the dining room.  She seemed fine when I left.  I hope her afternoon is better than her morning.

Tuesday

Today Mom was tired and sleepy and feeling pretty aggressive.  When I could get her to respond to me at all, it was to yell at me.  She told me they were trying to kill her, and got mad at me when I tried to explain to her that that was not the case.  She wouldn’t get up for me, refused to get up for the staff for her shower, and refused to take her medication this morning.  She was just surly to everyone.  I tried to get her up and going until about 11:20, and then I just gave up and left.  I hope the staff has better luck with her this afternoon.

I told the staff I had company coming in today, and I’d be in every day to see Mom but I didn’t know when it would be,  each day.  I’d told Mom, but I know she won’t remember.

Wednesday

I stopped by to see Mom about 1 this afternoon, and she was sitting, napping in her wheelchair.  When she became aware I was there, she was smiling but I don’t think she knew who I was.  She was happy, though, because she’d had lots of company today.  Helen Yates and her mother had just left.  She’d just sent ‘the kids’ to the movies.  When I asked her what kids, she first told me she didn’t know who they all were, but there were hers and all the others…….Okay, she was definitely in another dimension this afternoon..  I didn’t want to argue with her, so I tried changing the subject several times.  She kept giving me a litany of the people who had been there already today, including Sue, Francis, Lynn, and a number of people I didn’t know.  They had managed to get her showered yesterday, and they’d taken her laundry but the afternoon staff didn’t change her sheets so I went in and did that for her.  She was chatty the whole time I was there, but wasn’t making much sense to me.  She eventually fell asleep and napped for awhile.  I couldn’t spend much time with her, but I doubt it mattered, anyway.  She was happy and seemed fine when I left.

Thursday

Mom was up early this morning, and went down for both breakfast and lunch. She’d also gotten a shower, so she’d had a pretty full morning. She’d talked to Judy this morning and knew it was Thanksgiving, and even said if they tried to give her dark meat she was going to send it back for white meat!  I’m sure lunch was great.  I didn’t get there until 2:00.  She was napping in her wheelchair, but roused herself when I arrived.  She was a little confused again, probably mainly because of just coming out of her sleep.  I’d brought her two kinds of pie, and that seemed to please her, but she had me put it in the refrigerator for her.  She told me she wasn’t hungry, which was fine.  I sat with her for quite a while, and she kept talking to me, but the sentences weren’t making any sense to me.  I.e., ‘don’t drop the chocolate on the floor, I just vacuumed’, ‘Where did he go?’ “Who?’ ‘The little boy you brought in’, ‘Don’t forget the ice cream’ ‘What ice cream?’ ‘Oh…………..’ ….it was a continuous stream of non-sequiturs.  Once she seemed to be soundly asleep again, I finally left to go back home to finish my Thanksgiving cleanup.

Friday

We took Drew and Gabe to get their Christmas pictures this morning, so we were pretty busy.  It was a little later when I got to Mom.  I found her sleeping in her chair, in the bathroom.  But she seemed pretty lucid today, and was very conversational.  She talked to me for an hour before she started to doze off again.  She asked me why I hadn’t brought the boys to see her, and I felt bad.  Today would have been a great day to do it, but I’m never sure what kind of shape she’s going to be in.  Sometime before they leave I’ll just have to take a leap of faith and bring them over, hoping she’s up and wanting to see them.  It’s the best I can do.

Saturday

When I arrived today, the staff told me Mom had refused to get up this morning, and had refused to take her medication.  So they were shocked when I found Mom up and dressed when I went to her room.  She was sleeping in her chair with an armload of tops folded in her lap.  She was either cleaning up her room, or packing to go somewhere again, but didn’t seem to remember which.  I made her bed and put her clothes away.  She seemed really blue, so I asked her what was wrong.  She told me some days she wished she was dead.  She told me she’d been up really early this morning, but then didn’t think she’d had any lunch yet.  (She hadn’t)  I suggested she might want to have a slice of pie I’d brought her earlier in the week, and she didn’t know she had any.  When I showed it to her, she said she didn’t know where it came from, so she wasn’t sure she should eat it.  I told her I’d made it, so she thought that sounded good.  She chose the apple, and I warmed it up in the microwave for her.  She enjoyed it immensely, but at least 5 times told me she didn’t know where it came from.  She kept telling me how much more she liked pie than cake, so I told her I’d bring her up more tomorrow.  At first she didn’t want me to, because she didn’t want to get fat, but I told her with all the meals she’s been skipping I didn’t think she’d need to worry about her weight.  I then found an embroidery show on the television, and spent the next 30 minutes talking about what they were doing, and Mom kept saying “I know how to do that’, and ‘I used to be able to do that’.  She seemed to be in better spirits when I left.  Hopefully the staff was able to get her to take her medication this afternoon.  Each day now, Mom mentions that she’d really like to see my grandkids, and I’d love to bring them up, but I’m afraid of having a bad day with her.  I just don’t know what I’m eventually going to do.

11/13/2011 – 11/19/2011

Sunday

Today was pretty typical of what Mom’s been like lately. She slept in until 11.  I started prompting her to get up, and after a little whining she did finally get herself up and going.  It was almost 11:45 before she was finished getting dressed and ready for the day, but she was in a good mood and seemed pretty clear minded.  We obviously didn’t have much time talk, but for the little time we did spend together she seemed happy.  She was in fine shape when I took her down for lunch.

Monday

Mom was sleeping when I arrived, although she was tossing and fussing almost all morning.  I started talking with her, and she responded, but never opened her eyes.  I’m not sure what she was fussing about, but she was very animated.  Again, around 11 I tried to cajole her into getting up, and she started into her ‘give me just a couple more minutes’ routine.  I’d try to physically help her, and I could feel her muscles tense as she was fighting me as much as she possibly could.  I’d go into the living room to give her a few minutes, and she’d immediately start asking me questions.  She wouldn’t cooperate, but she didn’t want me to leave her bedroom, either.  Throughout the morning, I kept getting snatches of conversation that was pure fantasy.  When I asked why she didn’t want to get up, she told me she was tired, she’d had to hold up the roof of the shack in the back yard all night long.  That became an accusation–she had to hold up the kitchen ceiling all night so I could sleep, snug and warm all night.  It was quickly getting ugly.  Apparently I was solely responsible for her need to do all this physical labor all night, and I completely didn’t appreciate it!  I kept trying, but by 11:40, I was still hearing the ‘give me a minute’ excuse, without her moving an inch toward getting out of bed.  She asked me why I was in such a hurry, and I told her I was afraid she’d miss lunch.  She told me she didn’t care, that I could eat hers.  I tried a different tack, telling her I was getting lonesome sitting in the living room all alone.  She told me to go get a friend.  And why was I in such a hurry?  I didn’t have anything to do, anyway…….  When it was obvious she wasn’t willingly going to get out of bed for me, I told her I’d see her tomorrow, and left.  I told the staff that she wouldn’t get up, but she wasn’t sick, and wasn’t hungry.  They told me they’d check on her later.  I left frustrated.

Tuesday

Mom was up and dressed when I arrived.  Staff told me she’d been down for breakfast.  She was digging through her drawers when I arrived, and when I asked what she was doing she told me she’d lost her key.  She thought she’d lost it on Locust St —- she thought she could remember hearing it plink on the street.  (It actually disappeared sometime Friday afternoon.  I suspect she’s ‘put it away somewhere for safety’s sake’ but can’t remember where.  I’m kind of waiting for it to show up again, like it normally does.)  She saw me changing the linens on her bed, and came over to ‘help me’.  It makes her feel better if she’s in charge, so I let her help me and we eventually got it completed.  I opened her shades, and eventually got her to join me in the living room.  Once we’d both settled in, the first thing she said to me was ‘Janet got up late this morning and couldn’t find her books.  I hope she wasn’t late for school’.  When I told her I was Janet, she looked right at me and said she wasn’t talking about me, she was talking about Janet.  I got her to look at me again, and asked her who I was.  She told me I was Lynn.  It’s amazing she always gets it right when she’s mad at me, but when just having a conversation she’s convinced I’m one of my sisters!  She finally stopped talking about me, but she never really seemed tuned in.  She started dozing, and I was afraid she was going to topple out of the chair.  I tried to get her to sit closer to me, but within five minutes she was backing up to give herself more leg room.  So I spent the majority of the morning waking her up every time she got dangerously close to rolling out of the chair. Eventually she did wake up enough to say ‘I hope Janet remembered to put Gretchen out’.  I didn’t even try.  She did seem unusually fascinated with the time.  She stared at her watch every three or four minutes, and then asking me if it was about 4:20, or 4:30, or so.  She seemed convinced it should be late afternoon, even though we started this banter by 9:30 in the morning.  She did surprise me when she refused to go to lunch.  She told me she just wasn’t hungry and didn’t want to stuff herself for no reason.  If she hadn’t refused lunch yesterday it wouldn’t have bothered me, but two days in a row triggered a bit of anxiety for me.  I’m hoping that straightens out soon.

This evening there was another support group meeting at Homestead.  They had a speaker in to discuss Medicare options and changes in the program.  It was good information to have — I learned several things I didn’t know before, and several things I want to check before the change deadline passes.

Wednesday

Mom was still in bed when I arrived today.  I’d try to talk to her every 10 or 15 minutes, but she really didn’t respond to me.  The really odd thing was when I left her bedroom she’d carry on a very animated conversation with someone.  I couldn’t tell what the conversation was about, but she was definitely enjoying it!  And, as soon as I’d go back into the bedroom, she’d play possum, and wouldn’t open her eyes.  Dianne called, but Mom didn’t respond to the ring.  So I had a nice conversation with her while Mom slept.  I continued to try to get her motivated to get up, but she wasn’t having any of it.  She wasn’t in an unpleasant mood, but just seemed absolutely exhausted.  I finally asked her if she’d really like to go back to sleep for awhile, and she said, yes, she just wanted to sleep.  So I told her I’d see her in the morning, covered her back up, and left while we were both still in a pleasant mood.  I told the staff she was still in bed, and off course they said they’d be checking in on her.  I’m beginning to worry about the complete exhaustion and the lack of appetite.  I’m hoping for a better tomorrow.

Thursday

It took some work, but I did get Mom out of bed this morning.  She seems to consider her options, and seldom finds it worth the effort to get up to eat.  But she also doesn’t necessarily know she’s in bed—-this morning when I tried to get her up, I asked if she’d like to get up or if she just wanted to go back to sleep.  She protested like it was irrational to even suggest she’d want to be sleeping in the middle of the day, but when I pointed out she WAS still in bed, she looked down and was actually surprised to see herself lying in bed.  We went through close to an hour of ‘just give me a few more minutes’, but I finally got her sitting upright at 11:30.  From there it took the rest of the morning to get her dressed, but once she was up she seemed to be in a pleasant mood.  She was happy when I took her down to lunch, and was even joking with her tablemates.  Hopefully the rest of her day will be a good one.

I have a little more research to finish, but it looks like I may be changing Mom’s supplemental insurance and prescription drug insurance. It appears I can get her equal coverage with lower rates this year.  But I want to be thorough and check them out for ‘gotchas’ before I make the switch.

Friday

Mom was up when I arrived, but not very clear mentally.  She’d packed up some of her things, and thought she was moving again.  When I tried to correct her misconceptions, she started getting madder and madder at me.  She had on a pair of pants and a nightgown, so I wasn’t sure if she was getting dressed or if she’d slept in her pants.  She seemed confused, and didn’t understand what she was looking at.  I’d ask her questions like would she prefer a short-sleeved or long-sleeved shirt, and she’d just look at me like I wasn’t there and didn’t say anything.  I eventually got a set of clothes and she started to get dressed.  She kept telling me she didn’t need to go to the bathroom, but it was obvious to me that she’d soiled the Depends she had on, so I kept encouraging her to change them.  It finally got to the point where I told her she HAD to take them off, they were dirty and she smelled bad.  She was frustrated and disturbed and mad as a little hatter, but I stood in the doorway and didn’t let her alone until she finally did pull them off, thank God!  Then I left her alone to finish dressing.  While she was in there, one of the staff came by and told me Mom had refused to take a shower this morning and got hostile with the staff.  She accused them of stealing from her, and told them to get out.  I told her not to worry about it, Mom was just in a very foul mood, and I was aware how difficult she could be.  I’m hoping she will chill out enough to let them clean her up later today.  Lynn called shortly before Mom was done cleaning her teeth and combing her hair.  I talked with her for awhile, and eventually Mom came out and talked with her, too.  Mom was still a little confused.  I think she thought I was Lynn again, so talking to Lynn on the phone challenged her beliefs.  Eventually I saw Mom shut down, like she was on hold.  When I asked what was going on, she told me Lynn was talking to Janet.  So I took the phone from her and talked to Lynn.  While I was doing that, Mom fell asleep in her wheelchair.  When I woke her up, it was around 11.  She started fussing about going down to lunch.  I told her it was an hour before dinnertime, and tried to evoke her in conversation.  She wasn’t interested.  When she did say something, it didn’t make sense. For example, she talked about getting back ‘home’, whether she should check to see if Dad was still asleep, etc.  By 11:20, she’d fussed at me four times that she wanted to be sure to get to the dining room before it got crowed, because she wanted to be sure to get a hot meal.  So rather than fight with an angry Mom any further, I took her down to the dining room!  When we got in the hallway, she told me we didn’t have to hurry, but it took so long for her to get to the dining room, she just didn’t want to wait too long.  Within two minutes, she was sitting at her table, and the staff had brought her a cup of coffee.  One of her tablemates was there, so at least they could talk to each other for the next half hour (probably complaining about how long it takes for them to bring out lunch!)  She was okay when I left.

Saturday

As has become her norm, Mom was still sleeping when I arrived today.  I could tell she’d been busy last night, though.  Her clocks were turned toward the wall.  She’d folded or hung up all her dirty clothes.  There were papers and cards piled in both her living room and bedroom.  I went about putting her room back in order, and laid out fresh clothes for her to wear today.  She was sleeping very soundly and never even moved while I did this.  I tried about every 15 minutes to see if she was interested in getting up, and the answer continued to be no each time.  Finally shortly after 11 I asked her one final time, and she still insisted she’d rather just sleep than get up.  So I told her I was going to go on home to get some of my own housework done, and she was okay with that, so I left.  I told the staff she was still sleeping, but at least she wasn’t crabby today.  She seemed very mellow, and really wasn’t being stubbornly resistant.  I figured if she wanted to sleep, I was going to let her do so.