Sunday
Staff caught me on my way into Mom’s room this morning. Apparently she’d been up most of the night, and they had just gotten her into bed at 7 this morning. Obviously she’d just really gotten to sleep, and wasn’t in any mood to get up. The staff assured me they’d keep an eye on her, and make sure she got up for at least suppertime. There wasn’t anything I could do for her, so I left for the day.
Monday
Today the Kansas Department of Aging was coming to interview Mom, and I thought I better be there in case her answers didn’t quite match up with reality. They were coming at 3:00, so I went to Homestead a little before 2:00 so I could be sure she was up and dressed, and reasonably prepared for them. I kept explaining to her they were there to evaluate Homestead, and Mom spent more than 30 minutes telling me how happy she was here, and how nice everyone was. When the Kansas rep showed up, the first thing she asked Mom was how she liked Homestead. The conversation went something like this……”So, how do you like it here at Homestead?”…”I’d rather be in my own house.”…”Do you like the food? (which I know she loves!)”….”Mine’s better”….”How long have you lived here?”….”I’m just visiting”….”Where did you live before you came here?”….”With my Mom and Dad”…..”Do you feel safe here?”…..”I always lock my door so no one can surprise me.”….”How many children do you have?”….”That’s my baby (indicating me)” ………….okay, about this time, she realized Mom wasn’t quite all there, so she gave Mom a few more softball questions and then started asking me my opinion. I was really surprised how negative and / or non-responsive Mom was. And as soon as the lady left, Mom turned to me and said ‘Who was that?” I told her, and her response TO ME was ‘Oh, I really like it here. I think it’s great.” Oh, my. I stayed and talked with her awhile, and then went home for the day.
Tuesday
Today was one of those days I wish I could rescript. Ten minutes after I arrived, I was ready to leave, but I stuck it out until noon. When I first arrived, Mom was wearing slacks and her nightgown. I assumed she was getting dressed, but she told me she was getting ready for bed—-after all, it WAS a quarter after 11! I told her, no, it was only about 9:20 or so in the morning, and she had her watch on upside-down. No response. I noticed piles of clothes. She was packing, again. She kept talking about moving, and the conversation convinced me she thought she was going to LaSalle. I kept telling her, no, she was living here now. She got really angry, and got nasty with me. She insisted she didn’t intend to stay here. She kept talking about Joan and Dorothy, Dad, and a whole litany of relatives that have already passed. When she gets really mad, she just clams up and stops talking to me. I put away all the clothes and restocked her cabinets in the kitchen, etc. I noticed her violets were so dry they were dying, so I got out her watering can and gave them a drink. She’s told me every day for nearly a week she was going to water them, but obviously she hadn’t. She even tried to tell me she’d already done it, but when tipped one of the pots over and it rained soil in my hand, she quit trying to claim she’d already done it. I knew today was supposed to be her shower day, so I checked with the staff and they told me, yes, she was supposed to shower this morning, but Mom had been up all night and had refused to get in the shower this morning. They came down to try again before she actually got dressed for the day, and she protested again, but they tried anyway. Mom got really nasty with them, bending one of the staff’s fingers back on her hand and telling them to leave her alone. They asked me to help, and I was able to get her calmed down, and eventually they got her into the whirlpool. While they had her in there, I tried to make a quick pass through her room—-I changed the sheets on her bed, and put fresh towels in the bathroom. Her key was missing again. That’s three in the last two months. If it doesn’t show up, I’m not sure I’m going to replace it this time. She doesn’t need it to lock her door from the inside, and she’s seldom out of her room. I’m not sure it’s worth the hassle. I tried to be positive, and waited for her to get back from the whirlpool. I was afraid she’d be angry, but at least she seemed to come back in a slightly better mood. She still was very confused, and I’m hoping it’s just from fatigue. Judy called a little after 11, and Mom told her an entirely different version of moving, but this time it sounded like a financial decision, not an emotional one. I don’t know where she gets these ideas. It didn’t take Judy very long to realize Mom was not at her best. I tried to make light conversation with Mom until lunchtime. She went down for lunch without an argument, and I saw they were having chicken-fried steak—-one of Mom’s favorites. I hope the staff is able to get her into bed tonight, and hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.
Wednesday
Mom’s bad temper continued today. She was in bed when I arrived, and really fought getting up. The beautician was in today, and I really wanted to get her hair cut if we could. She refused help getting up, insisting she could do it herself, but made no effort to move one inch. The staff knew I wanted to get her up, and two of them came in to help me. Mom was horrible to them. She yelled at one of them that if they touched her legs again she’d kick her through the door. She told the other one to get her paws off of her. She continued to berate them, insisting she could do it herself, but then when they asked her if she wanted to hook her own bra, she whined that, of course, that was the only hard thing to do! So they ignored her complaints and just got the job done. As you can imagine, she was in a really foul mood when they brought her into the living room. I tried to encourage her, saying she’d feel better once she had her hair done, but all she’d do is mumble at me, and shut her eyes really tight and ignore me. So I took her to the salon, and we were sitting alone in the hallway. I didn’t know if she was just ignoring me, or if she was really napping. All of a sudden, she sat straight up and said ‘you’re not the only visitor I’ve got this morning, you know!’. She sounded almost indignant, so I wasn’t sure how to answer her and just kept silent. Then she said ‘Well, aren’t you going to introduce me?” I pointed out I couldn’t see anyone else in the hallway, and she just glared at me, like I was lying to her. She immediately clamped her jaw shut, shut her eyes, and turned away from me again. She was totally unresponsive to everything I said. The beautician came and got her, and I watched her trying to work on Mom’s hair. Again, Mom was either napping or intentionally being uncooperative. She kept dropping her head down farther and farther. I can’t imagine how the beautician was able to cut her hair at all! I saw her trying to evenly assess her cut, and then roller-set the hair. She was practically doing a headstand trying to see her face! When she tried to put Mom under the dryer, the only part that was getting air blown on it was the back of her neck. She eventually took a blow dryer to the front to try to get it dry. When she was done, she apologized to me, but I was absolutely impressed that she’d been as patient as she had been. I was also grateful for the 30 minutes of peace 
Afterward, I took her back to her room, and Mom never responded to me or to anyone else that talked to her. At lunchtime, I took her down to the dining room, and she said hello to her tablemates but never acknowledged my presence or seemed to care one way or the other whether I was there or not. Tough morning.
Thursday
Well, ordinarily I’d say today wasn’t a very good day, but compared to the last few It was a winner. She was up and eating breakfast when I arrived, and seemed to be pretty lucid. She talked to me about the family and seemed to follow the conversation. She even asked me questions about the grandkids. But I found all of her electrical cords disconnected, and it was obvious her bed hadn’t been slept in. She was obviously tired, and had trouble keeping her eyes open and her head up higher than her waist. I tried to get her to sit in a recliner, but she kept saying she was fine where she was. She made several comments about Dad and Gretchen, as if they’d be coming in the door at any minute. She still doesn’t have a good grasp on the time of day, or what seems to be the logical next thing to do. But the fact she knew who I was today and didn’t call me a dumbass makes it a win for me.
Friday
Mom was up when I got there this morning. She was in her living room in her nightgown and slacks with shoes and socks on. She told me she was cold when she got up. She was flipping through a magazine, and the television was on. I sat and talked to her for a while, and she seemed to be mentally clear today, and was in a good mood. I made her bed (she’d actually been IN it last night!), and laid out clean clothes for her. About 45 minutes after I came, the staff came by and when they found Mom actually up they offered to give her a shower (it is her ‘regular’ day, but she often fights them on it). She didn’t disagree, so we sat and talked with her for a little while and eventually got her moved into the bathroom and then into the shower. Once she was done, I heard her say something about how good it feels to be clean. Woohoo, we’d made it through the shower without souring her mood! She came back out and talked to me some more, and then said she’d really like to brush her teeth. I told her to go ahead, and she said she wasn’t sure she was allowed to. (That from the woman who’d thrown several staffers out of her room just a few days ago…..) I told her, sure, do whatever she wanted to do. She went back in the bathroom, and spent quite a bit of time combing her hair and eventually brushing her teeth. She kept fussing in there until I finally went in and brought her back into the living room. It was almost time for lunch, and I wanted to spend some time with her before it was time for me to leave. We talked about Christmas and family. Mom remained cheerful all morning—-a new attitude for this week! She was happy and contented when I left her at noon.
Saturday
Mom was sleeping in her wheelchair when I arrived. She woke up when I came in, and seemed pretty clear and happy. I have a slight concern, though, because she was in the same clothes as yesterday, and her bed was tightly made—-something she couldn’t have done herself. I assume she never physically went to bed. I noticed all her pictures were gone, and asked her why she put them away. She looked startled, and looked at her dresser and immediately decided someone had stolen them. I told her, no, we’d find them. I started going through her drawers, and noticed they’d all been rearranged, so I have to assume she’d spent most of her night ‘straightening up’ her room. I finally found her pictures in a box in the back of her closet, underneath a whole bunch of flower pots and potting soil. I just took them back out and she immediately forgot they’d ever been gone. We’re still looking for three keys she’s lost in her room! She’s very good at hiding things she feels are important. All that aside, she seemed pretty clear-headed, so I brought in her Christmas cards to sign. I had her laughing like crazy for a while, and it was fun to see her enjoying herself. We sat in the activity room for a while and just chatted, but when she started to get cold I took her back to her room for a while. She started telling me stories from the 40s and 50s. She seemed to like the memories again. She was happy when I took her to lunch.
