Sunday
Mom was sleeping soundly when I arrived. I picked up her apartment, and made sure all her dirty clothes were in the laundry basket. I laid out clean clothes, and sat and read awhile. I kept checking on Mom, and she continued to breath deeply and contentedly. I read for a while, and watched part of a bad movie, and finally left her still sleeping. Knowing how tired she was yesterday, I wanted to let her get as much sleep as possible. Staff told me they’d check on her periodically and make sure she got up to eat. I just hope she’s okay.
Monday
I was as angry today as I’ve been for some time. when I got to Mom’s room today, she was still sleeping in bed. But as soon as I walked in the door, I could smell the unmistakable odor of urine. I tried to wake her up, and she eventually came around and seemed cheerful. I tried to get her to get up, but she just wanted to lay there a little longer, and ‘talk’ to me. I tried to be patient, but wasn’t doing too well — my eyes were burning! I pulled back the covers to try to persuade her further, and the stench was overpowering. I did a quick check in her bathroom and found the clothes I’d laid out for her yesterday still on the sink—including her depends! I checked the clothes basket, and there were no dirty clothes from yesterday, so I had to surmise she’d never been out of bed yesterday. I was about to go in search of staff when they came in the door to help her get up. When I explained to them what yesterday’s situation was, they seemed as upset as I was. (Sunday’s are notoriously low-staffed, and normally with the less regular workers. I always worry about the weekend attendants. I believe staff had stopped by, but never to do anything but be sure she was still breathing and didn’t want to get up.) They immediately got her out of the bed and into the shower. One of them helped me strip the wet linens off the bed and sanitize the mattress cover. I then put on fresh linens while they got Mom cleaned up. They also whisked away her dirty clothes basket, and freshened the room. They did everything they possibly could to correct yesterday’s neglect, and apologized a number of times even though neither of them were on duty yesterday. I also know they reported it immediately to the head nurse, who was also upset. I appreciate their concern, but it didn’t make me any less upset about what Mom must have been through yesterday. I will be watching much more closely the rest of the week. Mom wasn’t even aware there was anything wrong, and in fact seemed shocked that her skin under what must have been the sodden depends was red and irritated. When I asked her if she’d had anything to eat yesterday, she insisted she’d been down for all her meals, but I highly doubt that. I also noted how weak she seemed to be, and that made sense to me. I know if I don’t eat for a day, my legs are a little shaky, too. Thank goodness I was there this morning, although in truth I trust the regular staff, and believe they would have taken care of her the same whether I was there or not. Overall, Mom seemed to be in good spirits, and at least seemed to be well rested from yesterday. Lynn called and talked with Mom for a few minutes, but Mom wasn’t tracking the conversation well and soon handed the phone to me when she was done. She didn’t seem to be too concerned about anything, nor interested in conversing with me or anyone else. She seemed fine when I took her down for lunch, and hopefully will get some good nutrition in her for the afternoon.
Tuesday
As angry as I was yesterday, today I was embarrassed. I met several of the staff members before I got to Mom’s room, and they immediately asked me if Taron (the head nurse) had talked to me yet. Apparently, she had called in all the staff that had been working on Sunday and read them the riot act. I told them I hadn’t talked to her, so they filled me in on what went on Sunday as well as what Taron had told them. They told me Mom had refused to cooperate all day, and they didn’t know at what point to start pushing it. But clearly no one was comfortable with her being left in wet clothing, regardless of her attitude. But because they’d been taken to task, they were more diligent than ever about getting Mom up—-and she did NOT want to do so! She was still in bed when I arrived, sleeping soundly. Before I was there five minutes, first Taron came in to talk to me about Sunday, and assured me it wouldn’t happen again. She agreed with me that the most concern was to keep her dry and clean. I believe Sunday was an anomaly, and will just keep vigilant to be sure she’s getting proper care. Taron wasn’t gone more than a few minutes before the staff came in to get Mom up and dressed, and she was not about to cooperate. Mom started by whining, and then escalated to yelling at them, swearing and calling them names, I swear you could have heard her five rooms away! But once they discovered she and the bed were wet, there really was no other choice. She insisted she wouldn’t do what they wanted, and they couldn’t make her! Then she started hitting and kicking them. I was mortified. Two of them left, while one stayed behind to try to calm her down. She was doing a pretty good job, and had Mom convinced to help her when Taron came back to help as well. Between them, they managed to get Mom up and out of the bed. While they helped her get dressed, I changed the sheets again, and then went into the living room to wait. The staff finished up, and left, and Mom was in the bathroom…..quiet. I was afraid to disturb the bear, so I just waited. When she was still in there 30 minutes later, I finally went in to see what was going on. She told me she’d just finished getting dressed and was coming out to see me. Okay. She was pleasant and never mentioned the war she’d been through. I doubt she remembers it. I just don’t know what the answer is. She chatted with me the rest of the morning, and seemed both mentally clear and in touch, although she kept asking me if my kids were coming home for Christmas. The fact that she knew it was January didn’t seem to dissuade her from her line of reasoning. She did seem very tired, and even told me she felt like her energy level was just really low. It seemed to be a perpetual condition anymore. She was calm and contented when I took her to lunch.
Wednesday
Compared to the first half of the week, today was a decent day. Mom was still in bed when I arrived, but was obviously awake. I went into her bedroom and talked to her to get her engaged with the day. I eventually persuaded her to get up and get dressed. I noticed she didn’t have on her depends, and when I asked about it she said she ‘guessed’ she’d taken them off during the night…which might be true. I suspect she’d gotten up to go to the bathroom and just left them off. But, of course, that meant the bed was wet again. I changed the sheets again, and began to worry. She has three sets of sets, and this was the third change in three days. I certainly don’t want her to run out of clean linens, so I made a mental note to bring up some more tomorrow just to be safe. Mom got dressed without incident, and then sat and talked to me for a while She can’t concentrate for very long, and her energy level is certainly lower than it used to be. She’s started to have a lot more aches and pains as well. It’s almost painful to watch her trying to flex all her joints and get her hands working in the morning. There doesn’t seem to be much up-side for her these days. I do sincerely hope she finds something to enjoy in her life. Getting old is hell!
Thursday
Mom was sound asleep in her wheelchair this morning, wearing the same clothes as yesterday. Her bed was turned down, but hadn’t been slept in. I suspect Mom refused to let the staff help her into bed last night, and eventually fell asleep in the chair. So I made her bed, and she woke up. She was totally disoriented, unsure whether it was morning or evening. She was sleepy, but not unpleasant. It was obvious she was still halfway into her dream, and we spent most of the morning discussing the army. She was convinced Russ was in the service, and was concerned whether or not he had a warm coat. It didn’t matter to her that he was 62, and the army wouldn’t accept him even if he wanted to rejoin. After telling her half a dozen times that Russ wasn’t serving anywhere in the middle east, she decided to wonder if they’d be recalling Francis. Then she went on to decide they probably wouldn’t want her, since she was in a wheelchair. I’m not sure which war she was getting prepared to fight, but gratefully none of us should have to worry about it any time soon. I kept her talking, because whenever the room was quiet for five minutes she started dropping off. I did bring her in a couple new sheets and a stack of wash clothes, and tomorrow I’m going to bring her up a spare blanket. I also need to bring up a little bottle of oil, since one of the wheels on her chair has started making a horrible racket. It doesn’t appear to be broken, but it’s definitely not rolling cleanly. She was in good spirits when I took her down for lunch.
Friday
When I arrived today, Mom was laying in bed with her eyes shut, but she was verbally fighting with someone. I could hear her carrying on, yelling at whoever she thought she was talking to. I went into her bedroom and asked if she would like to get up, and she told me she had to finish first. She never told me what it was she wanted to finish. So I took her wheelchair into the living room and worked on getting her wheels ‘de-squeeked’. I had them all working pretty well, but one of them still had something that kept ‘sticking’. I talked to the office, and they’re going to have their handyman check it before I go out to buy new wheels. Once I finished that job, I tried again to get her up, but she didn’t want to talk to me. I went back into the living room, and before long Lynn called on the phone. Mom heard it, and started yelling out to the phone. She wanted to know who was there, and when I didn’t respond right away she started calling for ‘Aunt Flo’—-no idea who she thought that was. She continued to yell at me, and when I told her I was talking to Lynn, I’d be in in a minute, she yelled out to have Lynn call tomorrow. Lynn heard her, of course, and hung up (sorry, Lynn. It never occurs to her that her behavior might be rude!) After I hung up, I went in to see if I could help her, and she told me she just wanted to sleep, not talk. But then she told me if I wasn’t careful I was going to get fired. I told her I was retired, and she told me that was good, and that I should go home and take a nap! I asked her if she was ready to get up, but she said, no, she wanted to sleep. So I covered her up, took a hint and left. She was still talking when I left.
Saturday
Today was again strange. Mom was up when I arrived, but not quite put together. She had on shoes, no socks. She was wearing a summer nightgown, topped with a turtleneck. I don’t know if she was cold last night, or felt dressed for the day. She again didn’t know if it was morning or evening, so she didn’t know if she was getting up or going to bed. She of course was very tired. She had been in bed sometime, so she was at least sleeping for a while. It looked like she’d had a shower yesterday, so I knew they’d had her up sometime. She doesn’t seem to know when she’s eaten, or what meal she’s going to next. She seldom has much appetite anymore. I got out clothes for her, but she kept telling me she’d just gotten dressed. I knew her depends were wet, so I had to almost force her to change. I don’t understand how she can’t tell that when she’s wearing them, but the smell alone is enough to tell me! It took prodding for more than an hour to finally get her out of the nightgown and into clean clothes. She kept fussing that she didn’t understand why she had to change her clothes again, and didn’t understand why the nightgown wasn’t acceptable wear for the dining room. I guess the most concerning for me was her insistence that Sue and Francis were here. She kept asking me why they’d taken the kids with them, and when I asked what kids, she kept insisting there was a boy and a girl in her room just minutes before I came in. And she got mad at me when I either told her there were no kids here, or no one was visiting, etc. I guess she thinks I’m just being mean and trying to confuse her. I was there all morning, and she never really talked to me rationally all morning. All I could do was my best to not upset her, which is more of a problem than you’d think sometimes.
