Sunday
Today was one of those days that proves the adage ‘no good deed goes unpunished’. I found Mom this morning sitting on the toilet, sound asleep. She was dressed, but in the clothes I’d put her in yesterday morning. Her bed was turned down, but hadn’t been slept in. (I learned later she’d been up all night, refusing to go to bed. But she did go down for breakfast and at a big meal this morning.) I woke her up, and she seemed pretty cheerful, saying she was almost done and would be out in a minute. I made her bed and went into the living room and waited…..and waited, and waited. About 15 minutes later, I could hear her having a heated argument with someone. I called in to see if she needed something, but she never answered me. I heard her eventually transfer back to the wheelchair. And then it went silent again. I waited another 10 minutes or so, and then got curious enough to go check. I found her in her wheelchair, sleeping with her head IN THE TOILET. I woke her up and asked wouldn’t she rather come out and talk to be than sleep in the toilet, and she replied ‘Oh, what’s the difference!” I was a little taken aback, but the more I talked to her, the more I seemed to annoy her. But I eventually convinced her to join me in the living room, but she had no intention of carrying on a conversation with me. She told me she just wanted to rest her eyes a while. She never did look at me, but told me I sure didn’t take much time to put myself together this morning. Then she told me I was too heavy, but I was her daughter so she loved me anyway. Gee, I sure felt good! I quit ‘bothering’ her, and let her nap most of the morning. The staff was in and out, and confirmed what had and hadn’t been happening. I told them I’d have her down for lunch, and about 11:50 I stood up to put my coat on. I tried to be quiet, but apparently disturbed her sleep, because all of a sudden she thumped me in the middle of my back, screaming ‘Don’t you think I know how to do that by now?’ Since I had no idea what she was talking about, I tried to nicely discern what she was talking about. But the only explanation she gave was ‘I know how to work the gears on my chair!’. Since there’s no gears to ‘work’, I chose to just let it drop. I tried to get her ready for lunch, and she seemed okay when I took her to the dining room, but don’t know if she would stay awake long enough to eat or not. Hopefully she’ll be in a better mood this afternoon.
Monday
Today was better than the last few days (of course, that wouldn’t take much!) Mom was getting up when I arrived, meaning she’d actually been in bed last night. While she got dressed, I made her bed and picked things up. Eventually she joined me in the living room. Having her be semi-lucid always makes her go one place, though —- she wants to ‘go home’. Of course she can take care of herself. This is a terrible waste of money! She just doesn’t remember the bad days, so I don’t argue with her about it, but try to redirect the conversation. Lynn called, and Mom had a pleasant conversation with her. It’s nice to see Mom smile and really connect, even if it is short-lived. We talked for a while, and eventually Mom started dozing off again. I let her nap until lunchtime, and Mom seemed fine when I took her to the dining room at noon. I really hope she has a pleasant afternoon.
Tuesday
Today was a pretty good day. Mom was up and showered and already gone to breakfast when I arrived. I changed all the linens in her room while she fussed over her violets. Then was sat and chatted about the past, Mom’s favorite subjects when she’s the most lucid. She seems to enjoy revisiting all her childhood memories. She eventually ran out of steam and took a short nap in her wheelchair until Judy called a little before noon. She had a pleasant conversation with Judy before she had to go to lunch. She seemed content and happy when I left her in the dining room.
Wednesday
I’m pleased to report another decent day. Mom was sleeping when I arrived, but woke shortly thereafter. She was actually in a good mood, and laid in bed joking with me for close to 30 minutes. Eventually I got her sitting up, and then into her chair. While she went in to get dressed, I made her bed and picked up her room. I checked her closet to be sure all her stuff came back in the laundry, and at a casual glance it looked like everything was there. It actually took Mom over an hour to get ready for the day, and that was actual time—-she was not napping or drifting off in thought. I guess my point is even on a good day Mom’s not moving very quickly anymore. When she was done, she joined me in the living room and we had a nice conversation. The only odd thing she mentioned was twice she mentioned doing something before Janet came up, or having Janet check something out. When I pointed out that I WAS Janet, she told me she knew, but sometimes her mouth ran faster than her brain did. I think that might have been a good assessment, since she did seem to realize who I was. We had a decent morning. She was happy and talkative when I left her at noon.
Thursday
Well, three good days in a row was too much to hope for. Mom was sleeping when I arrived. I finally got her awake about 10, and she seemed upbeat, laying in bed talking to me. but when I suggested getting up, we went through at least a dozen ‘give me a few more minutes’. When I tried to get more insistent and physically help her get up, she started getting agitated, saying it hurt, and then telling me it just didn’t feel quite right. What it finally came down to is she’d rather stay in bed than get up. So I covered her back up and told her I’d see her tomorrow. I stopped by to talk to the head nurse, who told me she’d go down herself and try to get Mom up for lunch. She often has more luck than me—-Mom tends to be nicer to people she doesn’t know than she is to me. I hope they’re able to get her up and going so the rest of her day is good.
Friday
Much like yesterday, Mom was sound asleep when I arrived. I tried to rouse her several times, but she was just too groggy. I sat and read most of the morning. Mom would call out to me every 15 minutes or so, asking me what time it was, or if it was cold, or what day it was. She continued to refuse to get up. I know she got up yesterday, because the clothes I’d laid out for her were in the clothes hamper, and she was wearing a clean nightgown. I heard second-hand that she’d also gotten physical with the staff yesterday, and had hit the head nurse. I can only apologize so much. I quit trying to push her to get up, and told her I’d see her tomorrow.
Saturday
Today started out pretty rough. I found Mom crying in her bathroom this morning, dressed in a top, but no pants. I asked her what was wrong, and she told me she’d tell me in a minute. So I went into the living room to wait. I could hear her cussing someone out, ranting and raving about them never trying that again. When she finally joined me in the living room she was still pantsless, and still mad as hell. She told me three staffers pulled her out of bed this morning, and she thought they were going to drop her on the floor. I hadn’t seen anyone in her room, nor had anyone stopped me on my way in to tell me they’d had a problem with her today. I wasn’t responding, because I didn’t know what had really happened. Mom took that as a negative response and started yelling at me ‘I know you don’t believe me!” ”They thought it was funny, they were just having fun hurting me!’, etc. I tried repeatedly to change the subject, but she really had to get this out. I have no idea if this was somewhat based in reality or 100% fabrication. I doubted that they would have struggled to get her up and then left her half-naked. Then she started ranting that they didn’t know who her father was, or they’d never treat her like that! I tried to explain that her father had been dead more than 60 years, and none of the staff was even born before he passed away. She said she knew that, but for some reason still talked about him visiting her with the head nurse, and they’d be in trouble when he got back. I eventually got her to finish getting dressed, and then we just talked. She finally started to let it go, and even started telling me how much she liked it here, and thought it was really a nice place to be. Whew!!! A little after 11, Dianne called and Mom enjoyed a conversation with her. It always amazes me how cheerful she can sound when she’s making an effort to do so. Mom actually was less stressed after the phone call, and at least stopped yelling at me. She seemed happy enough when I left her at noon.
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