2/19/2012 – 2/25/2012

Sunday

Staff told me Mom never got out of bed yesterday.  They literally had to force her upright to take her medication.  That said, she did get up this morning, and she was up and dressed when I arrived.  She’d also managed to lose the cold she’s been nursing for weeks, so who can say the rest wasn’t exactly what she needed?  She was actually cheerful and quite lucid, too.  The only thing that I felt was a little sad was she kept focusing on how old she really was, and how she didn’t have much time left.  I don’t know if she really felt that way, or if that was a wish on her part.  She did stay awake most of the morning, and we did talk about a number of different things, many of them time and time again, but it was as bright as I’ve seen her for a very long while.

Monday

Mom was up and dressed when I arrived but was dozing in her wheelchair with one shoe on and one off.  When I woke her up, she seemed fairly happy, but a little disoriented.  The first thing she said to me was she needed me to get her boxes.  When I asked her why she needed them, she told me it was easier to move if she had some boxes.  From there was spent the next two hours having a revolving conversation —– where is the new place?   is it closer to your house than this one?  is the food as good as here?   when am I going to move?  Each time we’d come back to ‘you’re not moving’, she’d say ‘okay, that’s good’, and then as me one of those questions again.  She was convinced she was moving somewhere, but had no reason or desire to do so.  She was still talking about boxes when I left her in the dining room at lunch.

Tuesday

Mom was still sleeping when I arrived, so I got out fresh clothes for the day, picked up her dirty clothes, watered her violets, and sat down to wait.  She started talking to herself, but still sounded groggy.  Within about half an hour the staff came by to check on her, and eventually got her to agree to get up and get a shower.  While they were taking care of that, I changed the sheets on her bed and got out fresh towels to hang in her bathroom when they were done.  I went back out into the living room to wait.  Mom seemed to enjoy the shower, and stayed calm and cooperated with the staff.  It was after 11 before Mom was finished and joined me in the living room.  She didn’t seem to really be awake, and remained in a half-sleep state the rest of the morning.  When she did talk to me, she seemed confused and depressed.  She asked me several times if she was dead.  When I asked why she’d ask me such a thing, she told me she felt dead.  She asked several times where her daughters were, and whether she’d ever see Bill again.  She asked me how old she was, and seemed shocked at her age.  When the meds tech came in, it must have taken her 5 minutes to take her pills —–she’d eat one, and drop off to sleep, etc.  Mom napped part of the final hour before lunch, and was docile and seemed resigned when I took her to lunch.

Wednesday

Mom was in bed when I arrived, but dressed in yesterday’s clothes, so I wasn’t sure what the real story was.  She was having an animated conversation with someone, that ‘she’ had gotten hurt just watching a parade, and someone pushed ‘her’.  I had no idea who she was talking to, or who she was talking about, but Mom seemed pretty excited.  I went into her bedroom, but she wasn’t responding to me, so I just let her babble.  The staff came by about 30 minutes later to check on her, and I found out she’d been up all night, had been down for breakfast, and then they got her to lay down for a quick nap.  Seems to have been a pretty good idea, and we decided to let her sleep if she was still comfortable.  So I let her sleep on, and about 11 she started talking again. She called out and asked me if ‘she’ was ever going to be able to walk again, or if the fall was going to leave ‘her’ permanently lame.  I asked her who she was talking about, knowing she was back into the same dream again.  She looked right at me, and told me Janet had fallen down watching a parade.  I pointed out I was Janet, I hadn’t fallen, and she must be dreaming.   When I went into the bedroom, she was a little more awake and was more agreeable to getting up but wanted another 15 minutes.  So I left again, but she kept asking me questions.  Even when she doesn’t want to get up, she wants me to be focused on her and be ‘there’ for her.  I finally got her up and into the bathroom while I made her bed. I got her to change her shirt, but she wasn’t interested in changing anything else.  Once I got her back into the living room we had a lighthearted, cheerful conversation until lunchtime.  She was happy and contented when I left her at noon.

Thursday

Mom was apparently up most of last night.  Sometime early this morning, Mom was in her bedroom and rolled out of her wheelchair.  The staff found her sleeping on the floor. they checked her out, and she appeared to be fine, so they helped get her clothes changed and encouraged her to try to nap for a while. When I arrived this morning, she was sleeping soundly in her bed, and didn’t respond when I talked to her quietly.  I sat and read for a while, but when she hadn’t moved by 11, I decided to leave her in peace and get some work of my own done.  The staff assured me they’d keep checking on her, and would try to get her to eat something later today.

Friday

Finally, Mom had a good day today.  She was up, showered, and dressed when I arrived.  She was sitting in her living room with the television on, but she wasn’t really watching it.  She was in good spirits, and reminisced and joked around all morning.  I’d brought her some fresh cookies, and she enjoyed a couple of those  (you can always bet on cookies being a hit!)  She seemed infinitely contented and happy.  Lynn called and they had a nice conversation, too, and after they hung up Mom was able to talk to me about their talk and remember what had been said—-pretty rare these days.  She was fine when I took her down for lunch, and immediately started interacting with her tablemates.  I hope the rest of the day is as good as this morning was.

Saturday

Mom was still sleeping when I arrived, but every ten minutes or so would call out in her sleep.  I couldn’t tell if she was trying to wake up or not, so I left her alone.  Around 11 the meds tech came in to give Mom her meds, and Mom sat up in bed and was talking to her.  Once her pills were down, we suggested she transfer to her wheelchair to get ready for lunch, and she did so without any argument.  She remained a little fuzzy, though, and whenever I asked her to do something she’d say it would be much easier if she had a sample to follow.  I don’t know what she was trying to do in her head, but what kind of sample do you need for going to the bathroom, or pulling her pants up?  It was very strange.  It took us a full hour, but we did manage to get her down for lunch at noon, and she seemed okay when I left.  I didn’t have much interaction with her, though, so I can’t really tell you if she’s going to have a decent day or be muddle-headed all day long.

2/12/2012 – 2/18/2012

Sunday

Today was difficult. Mom was still in bed when I arrived. She’d been up most of the night, so it didn’t surprise me she was so tired. The meds tech arrived about the same time I did and got Mom to sit up to take her pills. She didn’t want to get up but he persuaded her she could lay right back down after she took them. Once he got her sitting up, he encouraged her to go to the bathroom before laying back down. I took her in the bathroom and got her sitting on the toilet, and she decided she needed to do everything, so she sat….and sat…..and sat. I stayed with her, because she kept dropped off to sleep, and I was afraid she’d fall. I kept trying to see if she was done. I’m not even sure she was aware I was there, or who I was. She started having a two-sided conversation with herself, and started spinning a story like you’d tell a small child. When I asked if she was done, she’d always tell me ‘not quite’, and then she started saying ‘I’m not sure’. When she seemed to be totally incoherent I got really worried, and after more than 45 minutes I got the staff to come back in to help her. (I was afraid even if she did let me help her I wouldn’t be able to get her up without having her fall or hurting myself. Even with two of them they struggled to get her up and cleaned and eventually back in bed. The only thing she did was look at the one of them as he lifted her back onto the bed and say ‘thank you, that was very kind of you’. She then rolled over and went right back to sleep. I quietly left her there, going back to sleep.

Monday

Today was slightly better than yesterday but still had several concerns. Mom was up and dressed when I arrived. She was just coming out of the bathroom, and seemed to be in a fairly good mood. I noticed she had a knot and an abrasion on her forehead. I don’t know if she fell out of her chair (which I doubt, since I didn’t get called), or if she just bonked her head when her head fell forward when she fell asleep. She didn’t seem to even be aware of it and was surprised when she looked in the mirror. I showed her the new violet I’d brought her yesterday, and she spent some time looking it over. I then pointed out the cookies I’d brought up, and asked if she’d like one. She asked if they were chocolate chip, and I told her, no, they were coconut pecan, one of her very favorites. (I answered the same question four more times in the next 20 minutes…..) She had, and enjoyed, a cookie, and I got her out a bottle of orange juice to wash it down. When she went to throw away her juice bottle, she saw the cookies, and asked what kind they were again, and had another. She’s so funny, with absolutely no memory left. About 11, she decided she had to go to the bathroom, and went into the other room. It was very quiet, so I checked on her 10 minutes later, and found her just sitting there. When I said I thought she was going to the bathroom, she said she was, but she wasn’t ready yet. So, I left her alone and waited. Finally, about 11:30, I heard her move onto the toilet. I left her alone until 11:45. when I asked if she was done, she told me she wasn’t sure. I tried to get her up, but she couldn’t help. One of the staff happened by at just that time, and helped Mom get up and redressed. I don’t think I would have been able to do it myself. At first Mom said she didn’t want to go to lunch, she wasn’t feeling very well. But after talking about it for 5 minutes I convinced her to at least go see what they were having, and she could eat what she wanted and leave the rest. The offer of a cup of coffee finally cinched it, and she went down willingly. She was talking with her tablemates when I left.

Tuesday

It was obvious right away that today was going to be a rough morning. When I reached her room, Mom was in bed, talking to herself in a heated manner. I tried to engage her in conversation, but she completely ignored me. so I went through her room and picked things up, put away magazines, and got out clothes for the day. I started to read and the staff showed up shortly to give Mom a shower. they went in to talk to her, and got her to try to get up, but she started yelling at them and complaining about the pain in her hip. She couldn’t even sit up without saying she was in extreme pain. they laid her back down and tried to figure out what to do. They decided to try to dress her in the bed, and every time they touched her she was screaming at them. eventually they got her completely dressed and then thought she might feel better if she was sitting up and had a cup of coffee. So they basically picked her up and put her in the wheelchair. While she was up, I took the opportunity to change the sheets on her bed. She was babbling about the old woman at the Crossroads that kept hitting her, and hitting the children, and hitting my granddaughter, etc. She couldn’t decide if she was a child and I was her mother, or if she was my mother and the children were her grandchildren that she was trying to protect. We were back to being afraid to be there, and convinced that ‘the old woman’ was out to hurt her. Sometimes she thought it was her mother. Sometimes it was someone she couldn’t even describe. And the fact I couldn’t help her articulate what she saw in her head made her mad at me. She lashed out at me several times, blaming me for leaving her in this hell hole, and she sure wanted to leave, etc. This figment of her imagination was so real, there was no convincing her otherwise. In fact, I think most of the pain she was experiencing was phantom pain, caused by the whipping this old woman had given her. Mom said she sneaks into her room at night and whips her with barbed vines. Can you imagine what it must be like in her head these kinds of days? I couldn’t get her to drink any coffee, but she was more than eager to have some homemade cookies. She wanted me to hide them when we were done, because someone would steal them if I didn’t. Then she told me Uncle Pete was coming to visit her this afternoon. I told her I didn’t know an Uncle Pete, and she told me she didn’t either, but he’d bring her cookies, and they’d have a couple and then he’d tell her to hide the rest at the back of his refrigerator. I ran out of misdirections, so I kept my mouth shut and Mom fell asleep. I looked at her hands and noticed her nailbeds were really dirty. I’d like to believe it was from her violets—-it’s the most acceptable explanation I could come up with. I didn’t think I could convince her to wash her hands in her paranoia, so I got out a cleansing cloth and rubbed both her hands, cleaning up her palms and her fingers as best I could. I took her to the dining room but wonder if she’ll even eat. She was feeling sorry for herself when I left and expect the demons to haunt her all afternoon.

Wednesday

Today was not a good day. When I arrived, Mom was sound asleep. She was laying on her right side instead of her left, her usual position. When I took a good look at her face, I saw that her right eye was swollen and very red. I was afraid it was a raging case of pink eye, but when I looked closer I noticed she also had swelling through her eyebrow and the lower part of her forehead. I let her sleep until the staff came in, and they tried to get her up. She again protested, and they dressed her laying in the bed. Once we got her upright, she started touching her forehead, saying it was sore. I don’t know if this was a late result of the abrasion I first saw on Monday, or if something else had happened, but it did look sore. I asked the head nurse to look at it, and she agreed it appeared to have a lot of fluid trapped in the tissue. She put in a call for the doctor to look in on Mom this afternoon, made sure Mom got her Tylenol this morning, and discussed getting her sitting in the recliner after lunch, hoping having her upright might help drain the fluid and still be a safe position for her to be in. Mom was surly and angry all morning. She was still convinced some woman in black was beating her with a stick at night, and started again threatening to sue if she wasn’t out of there before Monday. She was ranting and raving about ‘this hell hole’, complained about everyone making fun of her and her clothes, and the food being awful. This of course is just the opposite of what I hear when she’s in her best mood, but when I tried to remind her of that she started lashing out at me. She accused me of never listening to her, and always taking ‘their’ side against her. By the time she was done ranting and raving at me, I was responsible for everything short of famine and pestilence. It was hard to take, but I keep reminding myself that she’s not in her right mind. Before lunch, she went in to go to the bathroom, and when she didn’t return after 15 minutes I went in to check on her. She told me, yes, she was done, but she didn’t want to get up yet, to just leave her alone. I tried to cajole her into getting up, and she struck out at me, telling me to leave her alone, I didn’t believe her anyway! So I told her to have a good day and left. I stopped by the nurse’s office and asked that someone go check on Mom, since she didn’t want me around right now. Can’t say I felt very good about today. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Thursday

On my way into Homestead this morning the staff told me Mom had been up all night, but she had gotten dressed and had gone down for breakfast this morning. She seemed tired, but okay. I was grateful for some forewarning. I found her sitting in her living room, folding kleenex. She actually greeted me with a smile and a hello today, so we were already leagues ahead of where we’d been the rest of the week. Mom seemed a little confused about where she was and where she’d been in the last 24 hours, but overall she was happy and content. I was so thankful she’d finally let go of her nightmarish paranoia, I was more than happy to answer all the odd questions and repeating myself over and over. By 10:30 or so, she was pretty tired, so I left her alone and she quickly fell asleep. I went through her apartment and cleaned things up, ie making her bed, picking up her dirty clothes, etc. I checked out her face pretty thoroughly, and it looked like most of the swelling and water retention were gone. She’d told me it didn’t hurt any more, so that was good, too. Her only complaint was she was starting to get a cold……seems to me she’s had some kind of cold for weeks now, but if she wants to believe it’s a ‘new’ cold, I’m okay with that. She was once again happy with the staff and her fellow residents, so for the first time this week I managed to go home at noon without a migraine. I hope she has a good day and actually goes to bed tonight!

Friday

I had to really psych myself up to go to Homestead this morning. I just wasn’t sure I could face another bad day, so I sat in a parking lot around the corner from Mom’s about 30 minutes before I got up the energy to go in. It wasn’t as bad as it could have been. Mom was up and dressed when I arrived, and sounded cheerful when she talked to me. She wasn’t as paranoid as she’s been most of the week, so that was good. She wasn’t too conversant, but when she did talk to me she seemed to be under the delusion that she was both a surgeon and an inventor. Let me explain. She told me she’d have to have surgery on her ear again, the flap she’d had put over her ear hole to keep the bugs out had been dislodged. She asked me if I remembered when she fixed my broken knee by putting hooks in the back of my leg and taking me down off the wall. She started complaining about one of the ‘big men that come in and hurt her’, and she was ready for him now. She’d finally gotten some gravel to work—-all she had to do was push a button and gravel grabbed him by the leg and held him away from her. She looked uncomfortable in her wheelchair, so I persuaded her to move over to the recliner. As soon as she was in the chair, she said it was okay now, but when she got bigger it wouldn’t fit anymore. Good thing she’d made it with boxes that could be moved around for when she got big again. (Alice in Wonderland flashed through my mind…..I pictured her growing to fill the room…..) I just wasn’t sure what to say about any of those things. She again started having those two-way conversations with herself, and pretty much ignored me much of the morning. She was discussing other inventions she had perfected this week. On the good side, her head looked good, and the swelling and discoloration seemed to be gone. The nurse came by with her meds, and also put some cream on some sores she’d managed to gouge into her legs. They’re being controlled, but it’s really hard to get her to stop scratching. Lynn called and had a brief conversation with Mom. I heard Lynn ask if she could talk to me quick before she hung up, and Mom told her I wasn’t there. It’s so nice to feel appreciated

Saturday

When I arrived today, Mom was sound asleep. I tidied up her room and got out fresh clothes for her. I then sat and read for about 45 minutes, and she still was sound asleep. I decided rather than even try to get her up and moving I preferred to let her sleep. She’s been so disoriented and sleepy, I have to believe a good night’s rest would really be good for her. Maybe I was being selfish, but I just didn’t want to confront her again. Hopefully she’ll have a good day.

2/5/2012 – 2/11/2012

Sunday

Today started out fairly sour, but ended okay. Mom was in bed when I arrived, but was half awake. I tried to get her up, but she started in with her standard line of excuses—–give me a minute, I have a headache, my legs hurt, my hip hurts, my skin itches, my legs won’t hold me up, I’m afraid I’ll fall down, I can’t find the end of the bed, etc., etc. We went through this for more than and hour and a half. And as soon as I’d go into the other room, she’d start asking me questions. No matter what I said, her automatic response was ‘WHHAAATTT?” I couldn’t have talked any louder; I was getting a sore throat just trying to be heard. I know her hearing is failing, but part of this morning was just not WANTING to hear me, too. I finally got her propped up, and she started asking me who I was, and why was I there. She really had no idea who I was. I finally got her up and into the bathroom. She was shaky on her feet, so I helped her get on the toilet, and helped her get dressed. It literally took her all morning to actually get out of bed and get dressed. But by the time she was done, she was feeling better and was actually starting to crack jokes. In fact, when I left her in the dining room, she told me to stay by my phone this afternoon in case she needed bail money I guess even though we had a rough start I feel good that I finally got her day on track before I left.

Monday

I don’t have much to report today. Mom was sleeping peacefully when I arrived. She would stir when I talked to her, but never fully awakened. I tried for more than an hour and a half without her making any significant action toward getting up. So I finally decided to let her sleep, and left quietly. I hope she has a good day.

Tuesday

Mom was sleeping in a recliner when I arrived. She’d been showered and dressed in fresh clothing. I went into her bedroom to change her linens and put fresh towels in the bathroom and collect all her laundry. She kept coming around and saying something to me then dropping off to sleep again. After I got all my chores done, I sat down in the living room and waited. Mom actually swiveled the chair around away from me, so we sat with her back to me most of the morning. When she’d come awake, she seemed surprised to see me, but immediately fell back asleep. But I have to say she seemed mentally better than she had for some time. Lynn called about 11 and had a nice conversation with Mom. After they hung up, Mom talked to me for a few minutes and then Judy called, and they, too, had a nice conversation. Mom seems almost normal until she says something wildly inappropriate, and then you remember her memory just isn’t what it used to be. But overall she seemed happy and contented when I left her at noon.

Wednesday

Mom was sleeping when I arrived, but I could hear her about every 5 minutes having an argument with someone. She was enunciating her words, and talking about ‘Katherine” as if she was someone else. I couldn’t follow the entire conversation, but it was obvious she was agitated and unhappy. I went in to try to get her up, and it was immediately obvious she didn’t know who I was. Once she did, we started in on running down the whole family, who was alive and who was dead, where everyone was, etc. We went through it about 4 times when she started to get upset with me over having answers ready right away. I guess I was supposed to have to think more about it. Once it got to be about 11, I started pushing pretty hard to make her get up, and she started getting angry. Then she started yelling at me to stop yelling at HER——(she can’t seem to hear me if I speak in a normal voice, but if I raise my volume apparently I’m yelling at her!) She told me if I tried to MAKE her get up, she’d kick me through the wall. I have no doubt she meant it. I got tired of listening to all the excuses—-my leg hurts, my head hurts, my hip hurts, I can’t stand, etc. I went and sat in the living room, and she immediately stated calling out questions to me. I just wasn’t going to win today. I finally got her upright about 11:30 and rolled her into the bathroom. I told the staff she’d be late for lunch, but I’d have her down. Mom wasn’t to be hurried into anything. It took about 45 minutes to finish, with me finally having to put on her shoes and socks and help her pull up her slacks. She seemed a little confused and rushed, but I don’t know how I could have changed it. At least she was dressed and ready for lunch when I took her to the dining room. Hopefully her afternoon will be better.

Thursday

Today was a better day. Mom was up and dressed when I arrived, and had been down for breakfast. It appeared that she’d been ‘cleaning’ last night, but she didn’t remember it. She had several boxes and bags full of some of her treasures, and kept complaining that someone had come in and pulled all her things out of her drawers and cupboards. She even went through her trash can several times, claiming someone was throwing things out on her, too. So I put her things away, and we talked about some of them and I tried to convince her that no one but her would have packed these things up and then left them there. It was like cleaning with a 5-yr old—-she kept taking things back out to look them over, and rearranging things into new piles. I wasn’t sure I was ever going to get done with reinstating her room! Eventually she wound down, though, and fell asleep, so I quickly cleaned up and put things out of sight. Overall she seemed to be in a pretty good mood, and I was actually surprised when the last thing she said as we were leaving her room was ‘this fall when the kids go back to school I’m going to quit this place’……I chose to completely ignore it, and she never said another thing. She seemed happy when I left her in the dining room.

Friday

Mom was up when I arrived, napping in her wheelchair. She’d been down for breakfast and had watered some of her plants. She had not gotten a shower yet, and refused when the nurses came around since she was already dressed. They didn’t want to push too hard and told me if they couldn’t talk her into it this afternoon, they’d catch her tomorrow morning. I was fine with that, mainly because I didn’t want her to get upset just because of a shower. She was actually pretty chatty this morning, and we talked about her childhood again whenever she was awake. She seemed very contented, and was happy when I took her down for lunch.

Saturday

Today was tough. when I arrived, I found Mom’s room lit up like Christmas with every light flipped on, her television was on, and Mom was nowhere to be found. I took advantage of her absence to make a quick sweep of the apartment. Her bed was turned down, but hadn’t been slept in so I assume she’d been in her wheelchair all night. I found a sack of assorted trash in the corner, with some trash she’d saved from earlier in the week. I tried to bundle it up so she wouldn’t go looking through it again, and then went looking for her. I found her down the second hallway, sound asleep slumped in her wheelchair. I shook her awake and of course she kept saying ‘I wasn’t sleeping, I was just resting my eyes’ as she wiped drool from her chin and tried to get herself oriented. I took her back to her room. the few things she DID say to me were regarding an exercise class, and apparently she believed she’d been to an exercise session and wanted to know when the next one was going to be. She said it wasn’t too bad, and it was good to keep all her joints moving. She could hardly keep her eyes open, and if I wasn’t actively engaging her in conversation she’d drop off to sleep again. I was seriously concerned that she’d fall out of her chair. I tried to convince her to sit in a recliner, but she rejected that suggestion and said she was fine where she was. I’d see her slump lower and lower, and that wake with a start as gravity started pulling her out of the wheelchair. I finally had her move her wheelchair closer to me, and I grabbed the back of her shirt to try to restrain her. I spent the next hour or so trying to hold her enough so she could nap without falling on her head. Ruth called about 11 and seemed to have a nice chat with Mom. She enjoyed talking to her and was able to stay awake long enough to carry on the conversation. She was okay when I took her to the dining room, and I hope she stayed awake long enough to eat!

1/29/2012 – 2/4/2012

Sunday

The last few days have caught up to Mom, and she was sleeping soundly all morning this morning.  Knowing how tired she’s been, I couldn’t bring myself to even try to wake her up.  I cleaned up her room a little, and laid out clean clothes for today if she gets up later.  I then alerted the staff and left shortly after 11 this morning.  Maybe tomorrow she’ll be awake enough to talk to me.

Monday

I can honestly say I wish Mom HAD been asleep when I arrived today.  As soon as I walked in her door, she started screaming like a banshee.  She was leaving, and she was leaving TODAY.  She said three people pulled her out of bed this morning and MADE her take a shower, even though she’d already taken one, and she was already dressed in clean clothes.   She said she wouldn’t be treated that way, and if she had to she’d sue them!  Oh, my God!  I had no idea what had really happened, but she was ranting and raving, and quite frankly not making very much sense.  She told me her mother told her to leave, and she could come home if she wanted to.  Dad had also told her to leave and come home.  And if I wouldn’t help her, she was going to call the police and have them come and get her.  I took her out of the bedroom and into the living room, and the phone rang.  It was Lynn, and I thought the distraction might help.  But when Mom talked to her, she kept focusing on how mistreated she’d been, and she was leaving……  So, I let her rant.  She brought up things she hadn’t mentioned in 20 years.  Then she started in about how she always keeps her room clean, and she’s never any trouble for anyone, and they shouldn’t treat her this way.  And then she asked me why everyone believed she was an imbecile and couldn’t live by herself.  I tried as gently as possible to explain why she needs assistance available, and why she can’t just walk out and have somewhere to go.  When I pointed out that she’d already mentioned having conversations with two people she knows are dead, she became a little less sure of herself.  She fussed some more, cried some more, and then started to admit that she really liked the staff, really liked the residents, really liked the food, and really felt safe there.  So, after a very tough morning, by the time I took her to lunch she decided she was just having a bad day, and hopefully tomorrow would be better.  I felt bad when I left her at noon.  When I went to leave, the secretary caught me, and apologized that she hadn’t caught me on my way in this morning.  The staff had asked her to warn me that Mom was in a horrible mood.  Apparently she’d soiled her bed last night, and, indeed, they’d had to go in and get her out of the bed and into the shower this morning without delay.  That made a lot of sense to me, and explained why there was an urgency in getting her up instead of cajoling her and encouraging her cooperation.  It was what I suspected, but was glad to have my suspicions confirmed.  Hopefully she will have forgotten it by tomorrow.  I don’t want to sit through another morning like this again before I have a chance to recharge.

Tuesday

Well, today was better than yesterday.  Mom was sleeping in her wheelchair when I arrived.  She was freshly showered, and had gone down for breakfast.  She still seemed pretty worn out, though. She slept most of the morning in her wheelchair, waking up periodically to tell me part of a story.  I don’t know how to explain that except in an example.  She started chuckling, and then told me ‘It was so funny!  We were running late for work, probably about 7:30, and the phone rang.  I told Dorothy it was for her, and when she whispered who was it, I told her I didn’t know who it was, but it was a woman and she was MAD……”  end of story.  I waited about 30 seconds and then asked her who it was, and she never answered me, but simply went back to sleep.  It obviously tickled her.  She did it at least three more times, starting to tell me a story, but never quite getting to the end of it.  I let her sleep most of the morning, and went in to change the linens in her room and made sure all her paper products were replenished and reachable.  She was still a little groggy by happy when I took her to lunch.

Wednesday

Mom was up and dressed when I arrived and in a fairly good mood.  She was pretty sharp when I first arrived, and we reminisced about her childhood memories for the first hour.  Then Mom started to fade.  She drifted off and napped away most of the morning.  She kept shifting in her chair, and when she did rouse herself I asked if she’d like to sit in the recliner to be more comfortable.  At first she said no, but eventually she decided she wanted to, but after rolling over to the recliner she still didn’t make any attempt to transfer over to it.  She started asking me odd questions, telling me she was in her strange dream-state that seems to be her reality these days.  For example, she asked where everyone went, and when I asked who she said everybody that was in the living room 10 minutes ago.  When I asked her if she was hungry, she said no, she was going to wait until Dad got there because they were going home.  So I quit trying to have rational conversations with her.  I let her nap until lunchtime, and then took her down to eat.  She was fine when I left her.  She told me her back was a little sore, and I suggested that after lunch she might want to lay down, or at least sit in the recliner to give her back a rest.  Hopefully she’ll do so.

Thursday

I guess it was to be expected;  Mom was sound asleep when I arrived.  I went through her room picking up, laying out fresh clothes, resetting her calendar, and watering her plants.  She hardly moved all the time I was there, sleeping quite peacefully.  I had to laugh, I found the wrapping from a treat package Lynn had sent which must have arrived yesterday afternoon, and on further inspection I found two bags of candy half gone, and a box of chocolates that had also been opened!  She must have had fun yesterday!  She probably had a sugar rush last night that wouldn’t quit, and was now having a major sugar crash.  I’m sure she thoroughly enjoyed it.  I left when it became obvious she was going to sleep quite a while longer.

Friday

Today was a good day.  Mom was up and dressed when I arrived, and she’d already taken a shower.  She was in a pretty good mood, too, and was as clear-minded as she ever gets these days.  We played ‘dead or alive’ all morning, and since her retention is basically gone, we went through the same list about a dozen times.  So, it was a pretty repetitive, but overall better than most.  She was happy and joking when I took her to lunch.  One of her tablemates had just gotten back from a long stretch in the hospital for hip surgery, so I was glad to see that.  They seem to be pretty good buddies, and always have something to talk about.  They were chatting away when I left.

Saturday

I suspect Mom spent last night in her wheelchair again.  She was sleeping in her wheelchair when I arrived, and kept dropping off to sleep.  When she was awake, it was rather surreal—-half of the conversation was pure fantasy.  But she was in a good mood, and seemed to enjoy the conversation, even though it made no sense whatsoever.  Lynn called while I was there, and she and Mom had a conversation.  When they hung up, Mom told me she didn’t think whatever Lynn was planting in her cedar chest would grow.  (I spoke to Lynn later, and they never talked about plants at all—-they talked about Lynn having her closets redone, and she was tired from emptying and reloading the closets  It’s fascinating to try to figure out how Mom’s logic must be working these days.)  I’d also brought her two new blooming violets this morning, and after the phone call with Lynn, Mom pointed to the flowers and said her violets were all starting to bloom again  Must be fun to live absolutely in the moment sometimes.  Mom was fine, if a bit groggy, when I took her down for lunch.